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I Have A Confession…

by Courtney on November 22, 2010

So you guys remember when I told you how I spent my Friday night indulging in THIS…

Well, I lied.

I didn’t just indulge…I devoured.

And by devour, I mean that Jay and I finished off 1/3 of the cake…

With ice cream on the side. :oops: Yeah, you could say we really put a hurtin’ on that cake.

And remember those Pretzel M&M’s I was snacking on yesterday?

Well between the two of us, there’s probably less than 15 M&M’s left…out of the entire bag.

So after going to bed last night feeling a little less-than-pleased with my monstrous binges as of late, I got to thinking a little bit more about some things that have been floating around in my head.

Over the past year, it’s safe to say that my eating habits have definitely changed.

Where I was once too paranoid over the calories and fat-content to thoroughly enjoy a cookie, I now have no problem eating 4 or 5 in one sitting.

Where I once would only drink Michelob Ultra beer because it was the lowest choice in calories, I’ll now imbibe in a bunch of varieties and flavors, regardless of their calorie count.

When going out for dinner, my selections used to be narrowed to whatever was not fried, breaded, or loaded with cream sauce or cheese…this clearly is no longer the case.

One might say that this is a feat; that I have moved beyond my old insecurities and can now enjoy these indulgences without guilt. Yes, maybe that’s the case, but I think there’s more going on here:

I am happy and I have gotten comfortable.

And that’s not to say that “comfortable” is a bad thing, because it certainly is not. I do know many people who say that they “fell victim” to the comforts of married life and developed unhealthy habits. And in certain instances, I think this may have happened to me, but not because I’m “married” – it’s because I’m in an incredibly happy place.

I am beyond ecstatic to know that I have a loving, supportive family, a full-time job, and some of the best friends around; but most importantly, I have a wonderful husband to come home to every day, who takes care of me and loves me for me.

He loved me when I was 15,

He loved me when I didn’t quite love myself enough to take care of my body,

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And he loves me now.

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So then what’s the issue?

Well, because I think it’s about time I give myself a friendly reminder:

Just because I’m happy and comfortable, does not give me free reign to throw caution to the wind.

As much as I’d like to say that polishing off 1/3 of a cake with the hubby made me happy (which, trust me, I reveled in every last bite of it), unfortunately my waistline eventually isn’t going to agree.

And sure, I know it’s not all about that; so what if I gain a couple LB’s? Heck, I already have, and I’m ok with that.

But if I let myself go too crazy, those couple LB’s are going to keep creeping up; I’m not going to be comfortable in my own skin, and then regret will follow.

I think everyone knows when they start to reach that point of uncomfortable; maybe it’s just a feeling you have, when you know you’ve had a few too many treats lately. Or maybe it’s when those jeans all of a sudden get a little more difficult to button up.

For me, it’s a mixture of both, and lately, they’ve come back with a vengeance. The willpower that was once stronger than it should have been, is now replaced with a flurry of thoughts and emotions as I go to grab for that extra cookie or scoop of peanut butter:

I really don’t need another one.”

“But one more won’t hurt me."

Jay just had another cookie, so I can too.”

It’s ok, I worked out this morning.”

Tomorrow is a new day.”

Well, my pants were kinda tight this morning…”

I just read a blog post by somebody else who ate this much in one sitting, why can’t I?”

So what am I going to do about it?

Well for one, I’m not going to start any crazy nonsense of calling anything off limits. Once I do that, I only crave it more. (I could declare OLIVES off limits, which I HATE, and would probably crave them immediately…that’s just how I work).

To be honest, I don’t think I’m really going to change a whole lot. But what I am going to do, is try to bring back some of that willpower that I let fade away. Because if I continue using the “I’m happy,” “I’m comfortable,” and “She did, so I can too” excuses, eventually it’s going to catch up to me.

And I’m no dummy…the holidays are right around the corner, and I’m going to be faced with lots of delicious goodies. :-P

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I can’t pass them up, so I won’t; but I can make healthier decisions by eating one or two, rather than five or six.

I think it’s good to give ourselves a little reality check every once in a while; it helps put things into perspective. I know I’m still healthy; I workout 5-6 days a week, I eat lots of whole foods, and my eating habits aren’t terrible by any means…but I know they could be better. There’s always room for improvement, right? Because in the end, nobody can
be held accountable but me.

Putting all this out there really helped solidify everything that I’ve been feeling these past couple weeks, and I already feel so much better after having it down in words.

Yes, I’m happy.

Yes, I’m healthy.

Yes, I’m “comfortable,” but in the best way possible.

I’m responsible for me.

And I’m going to take care of myself…without depriving…and without scarfing down 1/3 of a cake in one sitting. :shock:

Hopefully you can all somehow relate to my ramblings of a post today…if you can, I’d love to know that I’m not alone.

What do you do when it’s time to give yourself a reality check? :)

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{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Alicia November 22, 2010 at 8:18 am

Great post!! I totally understand this- working with your indulgences will work out much better than avoiding everything delicious!! :)

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2 Gabriela @ Une Vie Saine November 22, 2010 at 8:18 am

Ohhhh my gosh I can relate to this post SO MUCH. I have so much difficulty stopping with sweets, but denying myself them makes me just eat more. I justify my overindulgences with the same “tomorrow is a new day” and “I earned this” thoughts, without even asking myself if I really want the cookie or I’m just reaching for another because it tastes good. Gah. It has gotten better recently, though…I think the key is just kindly reminding yourself. Making yourself wait two minutes to think it over before actually having another treat. It’s hard to change habits, but it can be done…and if you ever need to talk to someone, know that I’m going through pretty much exactly the same thing and am always here to lend an understanding ear :) Hope you have a wonderful Monday love!!

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3 Mary November 22, 2010 at 8:23 am

I love this post. I think that you and I have both taken a similar journey, and I am at a comfortable, happy place, too! Sometimes, though, when I indulge I find myself still freaking out a bit about how that is going to affect my body–and I almost freak out more because I feel so different than the calorie-counting person I used to be. I always tell myself that it’s about being healthy–I need to make choices for myself to be healthy, not to be skinny, or not because it tastes good. Health is the ultimate goal!

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4 Amy @ VitaminAmy November 22, 2010 at 8:27 am

Great post Court! I know I can personally relate to this and I’m sure many others can as well. It’s important to take a step back and re-evaluate from time to time. Just remember, we all experience times of weaning motivation and willpower, but putting things back in perspective will get you back on the right track in no time! Happy Monday :-).

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5 Jess November 22, 2010 at 8:32 am

I have been struggling with the same problem lately. I am happy I can let go and eat without counting every calorie, but at the same time I feel like this has been becoming a little too unhealthy for my liking as of late. I think I am discouraged by the fact that Thanksgiving, my birthday, and Christmas are coming up- but you reminded me that little changes help, too- thanks!

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6 Liz @ Blog is the New Black November 22, 2010 at 8:36 am

I love this post, Court. Everyone can relate!

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7 briana November 22, 2010 at 8:51 am

You said exactly how I feel most of the time Courtney! I always beat myself up for eating the yummy sweets I love but I have come a long way I used to never eat that stuff and I am happier now! Awesome post and it was my fiance’s bday this weekend and I made a indulgent pbcake and ate plenty!

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8 Amy @ Second City Randomness November 22, 2010 at 9:05 am

It really is hard to find a good balance when you’ve struggled with those issues in the past. I’m right there with you. I no longer see sweets and such as “evil”, but there’s a line that can easily get crossed and you’re all the sudden finding yourself overdoing everything.

One of the many reasons why I purposely don’t keep reese’s pb cups in the house… he he.

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9 Tina @ Faith Fitness Fun November 22, 2010 at 9:15 am

I’ve been struggling a lot with these types of feelings recently. Right now, though, I plan to just enjoy the last 6-8 weeks of my last pregnancy and then focus on making the changes I know will make me happier. I still eat plenty of healthy stuff too, but its hard knowing I could do better.

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10 anonymous November 22, 2010 at 9:37 am

Great post! You look gorgeous; to keep up the healthy weight I would make sure to eat/drink one healthy meal per day (salad, GM,tofu & steamed veg, etc). Hope this helps! Oh I was wondering how those pretzel M&Ms were, but now I know they must be delish ha ha ;)

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11 Katie November 22, 2010 at 10:20 am

I agree with you–a reality check is needed at the point where comfortable turns into uncomfortable. Sometimes, it’s hard to find the balance between the two. You have the right attitude..maybe just being a little more aware and tweaking a few things well help you get back on track! :-)

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12 Tina November 22, 2010 at 10:21 am

Awesome post! Its so great that instead of making extreme changes and deeming things “off limits” you are simply going to reign yourself in a little. Its very refreshing to hear! A lot of my clients just go from one extreme to another, and that does nothing but confuse your body! Its all about moderation and making smart investments! Very well-put! :)

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13 Ashley November 22, 2010 at 10:38 am

I can identify. It may sound obvious, but I am really trying to focus on eating only when I am hungry. It helps curb the boredom snacking, emotional eating etc. If I feel like grabbing something, I ask ‘Am I hungry?’ and if the answer is no, I try to figure out what else is going on. Of course, I might make an exception here and there for something truly spectacular but at the end of the day, food is (fun) fuel.

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14 Melissa November 22, 2010 at 10:43 am

Thank you, Courtney. I needed this today. I am struggling with some eating issues myself & really need to get a healthier perspective on things. Today is a new day, a new opportunity to be my healthiest, happiest self.

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15 Shanna, like Banana November 22, 2010 at 10:45 am

Oh my goodness..are you in my head today? In my body? I think you might be.

I am so down on myself lately because I have been indulging in some wonderful eats with lovely company, but I seem to have gone overboard at some point and need to pull it back in. Last year at this time I was almost 10lbs thinner and that’s just plain nuts on a 5’4.5″ frame. Argh. I’m recommitting to my workouts and knowing when to stop eating that 2nd..err 5th..slice ;)

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16 emilieviolet November 22, 2010 at 11:14 am

I definitely can relate to you girly! The holidays are really hard because there is food around 24/7 and not necessarily the best choices. One thing that really helps me is to portion control things when I buy them, if I feel like I’m going over bores on the servings. I buy a box of sandwich bags and just put the entire bags of M&Ms, for example, into portions. That way when I go to reach for them, they are already all in the portion size I want and I don’t have to worry about over indulging :) we’re all here if you need a little extra support too of course! And oh my goodness those cookie dough balls look amazing!!!!!!!

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17 Jessy (squeezetheday) November 22, 2010 at 11:48 am

Great post! I can definitely relate to you. In my opinion, balance is the key; however, the line between enjoying treats and over-eating just for the hell of it can be kinda thin! I don’t have much problem with cravings, but I struggle with it when I’m home (during weekends), because my mom bakes stuff (even if I don’t even like that pie that much, I still sometimes over-indulge). Honestly, I wouldn’t buy sweets/candy, because I don’t crave them – having them around me during the weekends does make me crave and eat them, though. :s

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18 sweetoothrunner November 22, 2010 at 12:39 pm

I understand! I find it hard trying to find the balance between restricting what you eat, and not over-indulging! Trust me, everyone can relate to this post! And I’m also going to try to have a ‘healthier’ holidays this year, for what will be the first time from previous extremes of over-indulging to serious deprivation!
It’s a good point when you mentioned justifying it because you see other bloggers doing the same, as I’ve thought this before! But I try to remember that I am different, and what works for one person won’t necessarily work for me! :)

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19 Sana November 22, 2010 at 12:52 pm

So with you!!!! Reality check= ripping your jeans when you put them on. Other then that. Indulge away!

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20 Lindsay November 22, 2010 at 1:29 pm

You have no idea how thankful I am for this post. This is EXACTLY where I am right now. I feel the same way! I am eating things I never would use to…and thats a good thing, but I still need to use this little thing called moderation. Wow. We are so on the same page with this one!

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21 Colleen November 22, 2010 at 2:25 pm

I’m so glad you posted this! I am in the SAME situation right now. Six months ago, I would have never eaten a slice of cake without thinking nor would I have enjoyed a night drinking with friends because the Calorie Monster would take hold my mind. But now I’ve continued to exercise (even cut back – only 4 to 5 days a week! New work/school sched.) and I’m eating what I want and I haven’t gained a single pound. I’ve never been happier! I’m glad to see other people are sharing this experience. Thanks for posting!

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22 movesnmunchies November 22, 2010 at 3:20 pm

this is an incredible post! it really is all about balance.. something I struggle to achieve. I either indulge too much or completely stray away, but in reality, how can anyone live like that? balance is the KEY. thanks so much for this one!

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23 Dorry November 22, 2010 at 3:58 pm

I think it’s SO awesome that you posted this – not only because so many people can relate to it, but because it shows how much you care about your body, your health, what you’ve learned from the past and how you want to continue a healthy relationship with food. I definitely have had comparison moments when Billy is eating a snack or dessert and I feel like I should be eating something, too…I’ve gotten better at taking a minute to see if I’m really hungry or if I’m eating from boredom or just because something tastes SO good. :)

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24 Emily November 22, 2010 at 4:38 pm

I have never commented before, but I feel like with this post I had too! You expressed my feelings (and I think that of many women) exactly. Lately I have been enjoying more sweets-a piece of pumpkin bread with breakfast, a cookies after dinner-than I ever used to. Like you, I know I am healthy, but my mind, body and spirit feels better when I don’t splurge as much. I also think I appreciate “treats” more.

Thank you for your honesty and making me feel like I am not alone with this struggle. Love your blog.

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25 ejsmurphy November 22, 2010 at 5:49 pm

Wow you verbalized what has been going through my head this past month. I had a great chat with my mom about it and I have totally changed my mind set. Reading this just made me realize how so many people are going through the same thing I am. Thank you !

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26 Julia November 22, 2010 at 5:55 pm

I am actually relieved to hear I’m not the only one going through this as well. Lately, I just haven’t been a strong willed when it comes to waring off those foods that used to scare me. While I am happy that I am not as afraid of letting go a bit, it has been difficult for me to find that balance between a sweet indulgence and over-indulgence. Thank you for this post! It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one having a little bit of trouble!

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27 Cecilia @ I November 22, 2010 at 6:10 pm

Great post! I’m having issues getting back on track and I think blogging about it will definitely help. Thanks for being honest with us… sometimes it’s hard to believe others are going through the same thing.

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28 Nicole November 22, 2010 at 7:07 pm

I’m a long time lurker but first time commenter. I just want to say that I have been feeling the same way lately. I am currently 10 pounds heavier than I was last year at this time and I don’t feel good about myself. I know it is because I have let myself indulge too much, but its so difficult to stop. I am trying my best to cut back as I will be taking college grad photos in a couple of months and I want feel good about them because I wasn’t happy with my high school graduation photos. Its just hard knowing that I am 10 pounds heavier and which shows on my 5’2 frame. Great post! Its good to know that many others are feeling the way I am.

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29 Holly at Greek Yogurt and Apple Slices November 23, 2010 at 12:11 pm

Court, I’m SUCH an airhead! I meant to leave you a comment yesterday, but totally got side tracked- work gets in the way sometimes ;)
But, I wanted to tell you that I LOVE this post. & I think it’s great that you aren’t going to deprive yourself, you are just going to kind of ‘watch it’ more closely. I think that’s SO IMPORTANT & it’s also where so many people go wrong. They think just cut, cut, cut everything out..so wrong.
I loved reading this post!

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30 Courtney November 23, 2010 at 8:19 pm

Haha, no worries girly! Thanks so much for coming back. :)

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31 cardiopizza November 23, 2010 at 6:29 pm

Hey girl, I can totally relate. I’m still eating halloween candy nightly…and not just one..usually 3 pieces when I am not hungry. It’s just ‘there’. Although I am happy, like you, I too lose sight from time to time and need to stop eating so mindlessly. It’s a GOOD thing to be mindful of this, it goes along with eating intuitively.

Nice post :)

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32 Shayla November 24, 2010 at 6:16 pm

Hi Courtney! I absolutely love this post and can totally relate – I kinda feel like we’re distant relative! ;) In fact, not to freak you out, but my hubby saw a pic of you and thought for a moment that it was me! Lol!

Anyway, I can totally relate to everything you’ve been feeling and even with what you’ve dealt with in the past. I too had a past of disordered eating and over exercising and didn’t treat my body right. But over the past couple years and since I got married, I began to develop a much healthier outlook and one day just got tired and fed up with my obsessive attitude towards calories and exercising. I just had enough, and through reading blogs such as yours and others, I saw what other healthy women were eating and thought, hey if they can eat like that, then so can I! And with time, I finally began to have a healthier outlook on food, exercising, and my body. And though I have gained 10 lbs. since this revelation (and am still at a healthy weight), I wouldn’t trade in the world for how I’m feeling inside and how much happier I am. And like you said though we can’t all the time overindulge and eat a whole cake or carton of cookies, we don’t have to beat ourselves up the next day and start the next day fresh, with some moderation ;)

Sorry if I rambled a bit, but I want to thank you for this post and your fabulous blog, it’s nice to know we’re not alone in this :)

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33 Courtney November 26, 2010 at 1:14 am

Thank you so much Shayla. I’m so glad to hear that you’re also in a much better place now. :)

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