As someone who spills a fair amount of my life via the internet most days of the week, it’s fair to say that social media is a big part of my life. And it has been for the past five, almost six (?!?!) years.
Seriously, can we talk about that for a second?? April will mark my 6th anniversary of blogging and that just blows my mind away…but we’ll save that for another time.
If you’ve been reading the blog for any amount of time, you may or may not know that I’ve never really been a big resolutions person. In fact, in going back and trying to search through the blog in years past, apparently I’m not much for sharing goals either. The only post I could find was in 2011…go figure?
So this year, I’ve decided to try and take a look at a few main goals that I’ve decided to make a priority in 2016. And since I tend to get a little wordy, I’m breaking them up into separate posts, too. You’re welcome.
The first goal I’m starting off with today focuses on social media. More specifically, my love-hate relationship with it.
Of course, I do love social media. It’s something I interact with on a daily basis, it has afforded me the opportunity to connect with SO many amazing people, and at times, it can become a huge source of motivation and encouragement.
But at other times, it can wind up doing the exact opposite. I know I’ve talked to you guys about this on more than one occasion, but there are most definitely times when social media gets the best of me. I find myself browsing blogs, Instagram feeds, Facebook pages…whatever it may be…and I suddenly find myself in the well-known, ugly “comparison trap.”
Ugh, that thing just sucks, does it not?! Here’s the thing though…I have a great life. I mean, I really do. A great life certainly doesn’t mean a perfect life, but you guys know that. I have a husband whom I adore, the greatest son (yes, I’m biased, it’s okay), and another on the way, who has proven to be nice and healthy thus far.
I have a wonderful family, and some of the most amazing friends I could ever ask for.
We have a brand new home, we have our health, and we do pretty well for ourselves financially.
But then I start seeing what others have, and suddenly, the thoughts start creeping in…
“If we made more money, we could have x, y, and z, too…”
“I have to get up and go to work tomorrow morning when she gets to stay home and play with her babies all day…”
“Their house is bigger than ours…”
“She has so much time to devote to fitness, I wish I could do that…”
“They can take their kid out to dinner and she actually sits still…without any electronics?!”
“They have so much more time to devote to their blog…I wish I could do that”
But all of that said, ultimately…
I’ve noticed lately that these thoughts had been creeping up more and more and it was really getting to me. I think some of it was due, in part, to the fact that we had a lot going on with my father in law, and it was easy to compare with those who weren’t experiencing such heartache. Especially around the holidays.
But even besides that, I just didn’t like the fact that I had started painting this picture in my head that we were lacking so much. Because, in fact, that’s so far from the truth.
On top of all of this, I recently found myself spending wayyyy too much time on social media. Like, I kid you not, there have been evenings where Jay and I will put Lucas to bed and wind up sitting on the couch for almost an HOUR, just scrolling on our phones. Without saying more than a few words.
That is RIDICULOUS. There is no reason the two of us should be spending the short amount of time that we DO have together, browsing through social media and (in my case) comparing my life to others. No.
Just, no.
So for those reasons, I’ve decided to cut back a bit on social media. Social media will have a time and a place…and those times and places are not in the evenings once Lucas is in bed, and they’re not when I come home from work with Lucas either. When will they be? I guess I’m really not sure. But for me, social media will not replace family time. Instead, I’d like to focus our evenings on things like actually talking, or maybe even reading. Whatever it is, it just shouldn’t involve my phone being glued to my hands.
Of course, I do consider blogging a bit different, since my blog is ME, it’s not about those around me. So there will always be times I’ll need to get my work done once Lucas is in bed or maybe for a little while when Jay gets home from work. That I’m not concerned about (however, once baby #2 arrives, that’s going to be a totally different story and something I’m going to need to try and plan out).
Like I said…social media can do a lot of good. But when it’s doing more harm than good, it’s time for me to step back a bit from it. Because in the end, the goal is to be the best version of me that I can be.
Can anyone else relate?
It’s so funny because I rarely spend a lot of time on social media except to share my blog stuff! I hate getting sucked into it. It’s nice once and awhile to see what far away friends are up to on Facebook or see some pretty pics on Instagram, but for the most part I find that it is just too time consuming to be on there all the time!
I can totally relate!!! Especially living in Ireland I find myself a lot saying “if only I lived in the US…”, I’m also single, childless and still living at home but I’m happy! Ultimately that’s what matters! I have a family who love me, good friends, a roof over my head, a job that I far from hate…there’s always room for improvement but I’m content! Social media definitely plays a part for sure, but what people share isn’t always what they’re experiencing in reality. “The grass is always greener…” :)
Yes! The grass ISN’T always greener! ;)
Social is such a love hate for me. I have dedicated social hours because it can definitely get out of hand and take over my life.
Walking away from the computer or phone definitely helps me refocus on what I love so much about my own life. I’ve been actively focusing on keeping the phone in my purse during the day, but for me it’s about the girls not seeing mom always with a phone in her hand. It can be so tempting but I am working on letting go of being 100% responsive to my phone all day long. Great post for thought!
I’m also just catching up from my two week break from the internet and just read your post about your father in law. I’m so incredibly sorry for your family’s loss and I think you have amazing strength for being the glue that held your family together through what certainly was a difficult holiday season <3
Thank you so much, Brittany. I really appreciate that :)
Yes yes yes! Like other things in life, it can be challenging yet very important to find a time and place for it!
I can relate 100%! WAYYY to much of my time is wasted scrolling through social media. Refreshing the page even when I know nothing new will be there either. I’ve stepped back ever since the holidays set in and am continuing through January. So far, I must say, it feels good and I already have much less plain old stress and more time!
Good for you, Rebecca! :)
I think we all fall into that trap! I’m at home right now with a 5 month old and some days it’s a struggle to hold a conversation once the baby is in bed and we do sit on our phones a lot but it’s true relationships start to lose out because of this and connections are lost but I think we all find a balance ( like you’re doing ) and you have to look into your life and realize how thankful you are for what you have and step back from social media – w le could all do that so just know we are here and love the authentic posts you put up because as a new mom I don’t wanna hear about the amazing sleep and workouts people had lol I wanna hear about the lack of sleep the cookies you ate and the workouts you missed because that’s real life ;) to me at least
Thanks, Fiona!! :)
I can TOTALLY relate with a love/hate relationship for social media. I actually removed Facebook from my phone a couple of months ago because looking at it was giving me so much anxiety. Part of it was due to the comparison trap, but the majority of it was due to all of the negativity and strong, harsh, and sometimes rude opinions and statements people make through social media. Or even articles stating “facts” like “Avocados are good for you” and then the next day I see another article that says “If you feed your kid avocados, you’re a horrible parent.” (Obviously not a real example, but you get what I’m saying). So I just cut it out completely for awhile and it felt great.
I realize this isn’t really an option for you since you’re blog strongly relies on social media, but I know I wouldn’t fault you if you decided to step away for a bit. Sometimes you just need a break from it all.
This sounds exactly like me as well. After our daughter goes to bed, we sit there for a good hour on our phones (sometimes I read instead) and don’t talk either. I think about that at times … we are right next to each other and barely speaking other than a few quick words, or “isn’t this picture, funny?” comment about what we are looking at. It’s not good. Something struck me in your previous anniversary post as well about feeling like things are “surface level” in your conversations with your husband and how it felt so good to reconnect. I need to do that. I adore my husband as well and he’s pretty amazing and I would say we have a great relationship but we do fall into the trap of just co-existing almost and going about our daily routine without really connecting. I made the same resolution (and I am not one for resolutions either – never have been) but I thought it would be a good idea to try to put social media/phones in general away and spend more quality time.
i feel ya! i took a major break from social media for the past 2 weeks and i didn’t really realize exactly how much i needed it until i did it. now i’m coming back but trying to be more mindful of my time.
I hate when I start to put my life through the social media filter. If I sit here right now and think about all the amazing things I have, remove it from what others are doing on social, and just be thankful, then I know what I have is special. A break every now and then is nice, even though my job revolves around the big three: FB, TW, IN. Appreciate this post! :)
It is so hard to not get sucked into social media. It’s something I need to watch as well. I’m trying to make it a habit that when I’m laying in bed I’m either reading or sleeping..not scrolling through Instagram, again!
I can totally relate (even though the hubs and I don’t have babies yet and have the luxury of more free time than others)! We have a rule that even if the two of us are sitting down watching tv…no phones! I sometimes catch myself doing the endless scroll and for what?! We’ve also made a pact that we will never be “that couple” that you see out to dinner, not talking and plastered to their phones.
Hahaha, “that couple” – we say that all the time, too!
I can absolutely relate to this. Before starting my blog, I was a social media Luddite for my generation (I’m 24, and I didn’t get Instagram until 2 months ago, Facebook was for basic communication, and I had nothing else). Then suddenly I started focusing on it so much for the blog, and it began to creep into lots of my life. I make a point of putting it away when I am with my family, close friends or boyfriend so they get my attention, and appreciate when they do the same. It’s all about balance.
I think its really easy to get sucked into the vortex that is comparison in the social media world. I’ve worked hard on being content with what I have (because it sure is a lot more than some) and being happy for others when they’re given something awesome (and yes, pangs of jealousy do creep up sometimes). I think practicing gratitude is a daily decision and its hard. Seeing all those beautiful vacation/fashion/food/fitness photos on Instagram never helps, but I know that those photos never tell the whole story.
This is one of my goals for 2016 too!! I can SO relate to sitting on the couch next to my husband while we both look at our phones after our little one goes to bed. The WORST though is when we do it at night next to each other in bed! It’s so depressing to think we are spending our already limited time entranced by the blue screen (when, let’s be honest, it’s usually not even anything THAT interesting). We have talked a lot about it recently and are committing to working on it this year!
You took some of those words right out of my mouth. Being a full time working Mom of a toddler boy, also AND having another one of the way, too, I totally feel the Mommy wishes to be a SAHM or at least work part time. But you know what? Quality time has really made a difference over quantity, and maybe in due time, that part time option can happen, but for now, this is what works for our family (and many others at that!)
I completely, 100% agree with what you’ve said Alaina!
I relate to this so much! Isn’t it funny how we can have such an amazing and blessed life, and know it, but then as soon as we log into our social media accounts those feelings seem to fade away and suddenly we feel like we’re missing something? I catch myself scrolling through social media during nursing sessions with my son as opposed to soaking in those precious moments and looking instead at this sweet face and holding his little hand. This needs to change asap! As a blogger, it is difficult to completely avoid social media, but I agree that there needs to be a time and place for it. My husband and I do the same thing in the evening – scroll through our phones when we should be focused on each other. I want to make it a goal of mine to become more mindful of my social media use as well! Thanks for writing this Courtney. I think it’s safe to say we can all relate to how you are feeling!
“They can take their kid out to dinner and she actually sits still…without any electronics?!” – THIS made me laugh out loud (at work!) :) I often say I’m happy AND sad that social media didn’t exist when my kids were little. I am the QUEEN of comparison and feeling like I’m doing it wrong if someone does it different. And you can’t win with that mindset. We spend a decent amount of time on our phones in the evenings as well. I like catching up on social media while laying in bed watching TV at night, and as long as we are laying next to each other, that counts as together time, right? No. I, too, need to find a time and place for social media. Thanks for the nudge!
I think in this day and age where social media is such a big part of our world, a goal like this is important for so many people and is one that we can’t really take our eyes off from or else we’ll fall back into that same old trap. I do the same and it really hit me one night when my daughter was telling me a story about her day at school and I had no idea what she had said because I was scrolling through my phone and not paying attention to her. What in the world is more important than her?! NOTHING! Yet here I was, ignoring her because of social media. I’ve tried to let it go as well and while I’m certainly not perfect, I’ve found that freeing my time up from all that ‘clutter,’ leaves a lot of room for better things! Good luck!
Ugh, sadly, I can relate to this having happened to me in the past, too. I’m so ashamed…but that’s exactly why I’m working on it more now!
Ugh, I totally relate!
I’ve gotten so much better at fighting the “comparison trap” (a gratitude jar I did in 2014 helped greatly with that!), but every now and then it creeps in. I have a lot of down time at work right now, so I spend a lot of time scrolling on my phone. I really need to put the phone away at home! I noticed just last night that after I had gotten my son to sleep and told my husband “we should go to bed early” that 45 minutes had passed while we both scrolled away saying nothing to each other! That’s TERRIBLE for our relationship! Anyway, great goal…it wasn’t specifically one of mine, but I’m making it a priority too.
I love the idea of a gratitude jar. We should really try that over here!
that whole “comparison is the thief of joy” quote always resonates with me when i think about comparing myself to others and coming up short in one area or another. it’s so easy to fall into that trap, especially as women in this society, and i think we all have our own journey with this and coming to terms with ourselves and who God created us to be, and doing the best we can with what we’ve got! having said that, pushing ourselves to remain as healthy as possible (in all areas!) is always an important goal for me. :) happy 2016!
Beautifully put! Being busy with school helps, but I still know I spend way too much time mindlessly scrolling. Sometimes I find myself lying in bed for a half hour or more just “catching up” on social media… when I should totally be sleeping. And it doesn’t exactly make falling asleep any easier when you’re stuck in the comparison trap. Thanks for the reminder – this is something I want to be more mindful of!
Yes!! More sleep…less comparison ;)
I LOVE this post, Courtney! I can relate on so many levels. I get envious of others when I read blogs and see Instagram posts, but you’re right – it doesn’t matter what others are doing, it matters what you’re doing. I think your resolution to limit social media is a great one and something I have been considering, too. It’s hard to remember that we didn’t always have all these distractions; it’s important to connect in other ways, too.
It IS hard to remember that, isn’t it??? I can’t imagine what high school would have been like if we had all of the social media we do today. It was only in my last year or two of undergrad at college that Facebook had first started (when you could only have an account through your college…crazy!)
I think social media has a time and a place, but I definitely think people have lost track of that. Sharing pictures and keeping in touch with old friends is great, but to post/share mindless articles is just a waste of time for everyone involved. I deleted all forms of personal social media, apart from Snapchat, and have never been happier. People literally spend 5 hours a day scrolling through their feeds aimlessly.
Yes, I can absolutely relate to your sentiments. So many times, I’ve found myself caught in the “comparison trap,” specifically on Facebook where I’ll see many of my former friends and classmates experiencing life events and different situations I’ve yet to encounter but would like to. It’s hard sometimes to put my thoughts past it, but I try to tell myself everybody does different things on their own time and to be patient with myself.
I can definitely relate! I have two kids 7 and 5 and once bedtime hits, i always sit down to ‘relax’ but it’s always on my phone or mindless tv. I have also taken a goal of unplugging more and getting back to reading or simply doing things around the house that need done. It’s so hard though, at the end of the day you just need to unwind whatever that means for each individual. Good luck in the new year and soak in the last few months before baby #2. It’s such a blessing but also double the exhaustion :) (in the best way possible)
Thank you, Lisa! There are times I am terrified for when baby #2 arrives, but I’m equally as excited too, haha :)
I can relate to this big time! I was having all the same feelings about social media you were earlier last year. I decided to do a one month fast of it – including blogging, which was hard since I love to blog! It really opened my eyes to realize that there is so much more than social media. It’s so easy to get sucked in.
My husband and I also do the same thing at night, although he has no social media. He usually just reads articles online or something. It’s terrible to just waste our time “together” but not interacting!
You might find this post I wrote after my social media fast interesting: http://freeingimperfections.com/things-i-learned-from-a-3-week-social-media-hiatus/
Thanks for sharing that post, Melissa!
I totally get where you are coming from and I’m only on FB. Sometimes I feel like social media is like the age old question…if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a noise? If you have a good time or you got something new…does it really happen if you don’t put it on social media? People should just learn to live their lives without feeling like they have to post every little thing. What did everyone do about good news before social media? Enjoyed it!!! It gets rough teaching your kids that.
That is SUCH a good analogy, Brigid!
This totally resonates! I deleted the Facebook app from my phone for that reason. With the app, it was so easy to do exactly what you describe, scroll and scroll and fall into that comparison trap. People really only put their best selves on social media anyway, it’s so far from real life.
Without the app, I find myself checking in 4-5 times a day rather than the 10+ times I was probably checking in the past. And now, even when I do check in, it’s really just for notifications, not to scroll and observe what others are doing. Thanks so much for this Courtney, it’s nice to know I (and you) are not alone in these feelings!
I totally hear you, Rachel! I haven’t deleted the Facebook app at this point, but I have deactivated push notifications which has absolutely helped with my constant “need” to check in.
I have nothing against Facebook, however I’ve never had an account…the main reason being what you wrote about (the comparison trap). For me also, I think I would find myself being secretly hurt when friends might post play dates or girls night out pics that maybe I wasn’t included in on. I find, for myself anyway (and everyone is different with respect to this), it’s much easier to just avoid it all together. P.S. I was glad when you said you wouldn’t be cutting back your blogging because I love your posts each day. :)
Awww, thank you so much Kelly!! :)
Oh girl, The Comparison Game is an ugly beast. I think we all go through phases of it. This year has been especially hard for us… and I’m all too familiar with obsessing over oh I don’t know… my husband having a full-time job again, paying rent towards a house we actually own, and having a family of our own? You just can’t think about it that way! It’s exhausting. Focus on the positive in your life and do what makes you happy! If scrolling social media doesn’t, then take a break. I’ve definitely had to take breaks from certain blogs and pages before. Great post and goal, Courtney!
It’s so true…you CAN’T think about it that way!! Here’s to focusing on the positive in 2016. I’m hoping this will be a big year for you, my friend! xo
I can totally relate! My husband and I do the stare at our phone thing every night in bed. It’s ridiculous! And, it’s also the time we have alone once our baby goes to bed so it’s time to take that time back. Thanks for the inspiration!
No problem, Katie! Good luck! :)
I deactivated my Facebook account last year! Don’t miss it a bit.
I LOVE this! The comparison trap is evil! My favorite quote is “Never compare your life to someone else’s highlight reel” because esentially, that’s EXACTLY what social media is! A highlight reel of the best parta of someone’s life leaving out all of the bad stuff!
Since going back to work I’ve struggled so bad with jealousy of SAHMs on social media. Seeing them doing fun things with their kids all week while I feel like we barely get a couple hours together in the evening makes me want to cry sometimes. But like you said, I have a great life and it’s a waste of my time to compare it to others! I really should consider some sort of NY resolution like this.
I totally understand, Alyssa. And for me it’s weird, because I actually do enjoy (most of the time) being a working mom. I enjoy being able to get out and be with adults and I’m honestly not sure how I’d be as a SAHM. But there’s still the jealousy and guilt that hits almost on a daily basis…
There are kids that can sit through dinner without electronics??? ;) Yes. I can totally relate to this.
LOL, right?!?
Yes I love the pic quotes you added. Love all of this xoxo
Happy new year
YES. I spent so much time praying about this very topic yesterday. “Comparison is the thief of joy” is a quote my sister shared with me a while back that I often need to remind myself of. I way too often fall into the comparison trap (especially with Instagram!) when in reality I have an incredible fiancé, job I love, healthy body, etc! Another thing to remember is that EVERYONE has struggles they are dealing with, even if their life seems perfect online.
I think we can all relate to this post. Social media is great for many things, but that also brings on the comparison. I can totally relate to what you said about being happy with your life but then you get on social media and envy others. I absolutely love the quote “there are people who would love to have your bad days.” Isn’t that the truth? Sometimes we feel we aren’t good enough, but really there is always someone who is much worse off and who love to have your life. I am really trying to be more grateful in 2016 and spend less time on social media too.
Amen sister! I don’t have kids yet but in the evenings it bugs me when my husband sits there scrolling away. I can be guilty of it too but its good to be aware of it and try to break the habit. It’s kinda crazy what a slave to our phones we all are these days!
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