It’s been a couple of weeks since we last chatted, hasn’t it? Honestly, the days are going by in a bit of a blur. They are full from the moment we wake up until the time we go to bed, and finding time for pretty much anything outside of working, and school work, and doing some basic maintenance in the house has been nearly impossible. Go figure, since all we’ve been doing is staying at home!
It’s been a little over 2 weeks since we’ve begun this whole quarantine thing here in New York and life is definitely different. The only reason I’ve left my house these past couple of weeks is for food; either grabbing some groceries or picking up take-out from a few hand-selected local spots, because I can only imagine how bad they’re hurting right now.
Doing something as simple as a quick run to the grocery store has become such an abnormal experience. When I do go, I’ve been trying to get there between 7-8am, just to ensure I have a decent selection of produce or meats to pick from. Walking the store, it’s almost always bare; but the majority of people you do see are covered in masks and gloves, giving attempts at inconspicuousness side-eyes, just to make sure the others are maintaining a six foot distance. It’s just straight up weird and like something out of a movie.
But that’s where we’re at right now. And I figured, since it’s been a while since I was able to blog, I’d try to fill you in a bit on how we’re doing/feeling/getting by over here. SO…
Most days, I shed at least a few tears. And the cause of those tears could be due to just about anything; feeling the heavy burden of what this thing is doing across the world, frustration with something at home, or simply reading a heartfelt note from Lucas’s teacher.
Most days, the thought of Lucas possibly not finishing this school year with his teacher (or Alex finishing with his teacher) absolutely breaks my heart. Not to mention, I can’t even wrap my head around the potential for them actually not going back to school again until September.
Most days, I selfishly have a few moments where I think about just how badly I want to be able to go back to how things were before all of this happened.
Most days, my house is a legit disaster.
Most days, I’ve become hyper aware of just how much toilet paper or paper towels I’m using.
Most days, I’m still getting up at before 6am to get a basement workout in. Because, if nothing else, at least THAT is something that can provide me with a little sense of normalcy.
Most days, my eating habits are far from perfect. Some days (ok, only one day) I eat literally nothing but doughnuts, pizza, and beer (that was Saturday, in case you’re curious).
FYI locals! The Crisp Cannoli has THE most amazing doughnuts and you can pick them up directly from their takeout window, so no need to even enter inside!
Some days, I catch myself mindlessly standing in the pantry snacking. Some days, I take the time to make myself a legit salad for lunch.
And some days, I actually forget to eat, which is unheard of for me. I’ve definitely been throwing caution to the wind, putting all the blame on quarantine; but I know that’s going to do nothing for me. So this week, I’m gonna try to do better. Wish me luck.
Most days, I drink at least one alcoholic beverage. Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s been every single day. Yep, every day.
Most days, I spend way too much time reading news or social media on my phone, and almost always wind up falling down the rabbit hole of comments…which, in turn, gets my anxiety on high alert. Speaking of…
Most days, I wonder how some people became such an overnight expert on something that most of us know so little about? Go figure.
Most days, my skin is getting a serious breather. I can’t tell you the last time I put any sort of mascara or eye makeup on my face. But I will still occasionally throw some bronzer and concealer on my face, since I try to look semi-presentable on my Zoom meetings for work.
Most days, I inevitably wind up getting interrupted while I’m on a Zoom meeting. Thankfully, all of my co-workers are incredible, so an interruption from a little person is never frowned upon.
Most days, I tell myself I’m going to finally take down this monstrosity of a fort that’s basically taking up our entire office/play room. Yet, it still stands because they love it and it’s fun.
Most days, I have to coordinate my schedule with Jay’s schedule, so I can determine where I can best squeeze in some school work with the boys. Trying to do both is nearly impossible, but the boys’ teachers have both been incredible and completely understand the juggling act that many of us are trying to follow. So we do what we can, when we can.
Most days, the boys are 100% getting extra screen time. I’d love to say I’m offering it with zero guilt, but I definitely do feel bad having to use it so much more while we’re working.
Most days, I wind up snapping at least once at the boys over something like them bickering/fighting/not letting me get anything accomplished. And then I immediately feel terrible.
Most days, the boys actually are doing very well, all things considered. Their day-to-day got completely flipped upside-down, and for the most part, they really have impressed me.
Most days, I’m reminded of the fact that as much of a burden all of this has been for us, it’s been far worse for so many others. And, if we’re looking for some positives, it’s also come with its silver linings.
Because, some days, I watch the boys playing out in the backyard, or hearing them laughing in their fort, and it is not lost upon me that these moments truly are precious. They don’t always get time like this. And once all of this is over, and life slowly goes back to normal, Lucas will be back to wanting to play with his friends, they’ll both be back to school and/or daycare, and their time together will be limited.
Some days, we get in the kitchen and do something fun together, like bake and decorate cupcakes. I mean, that’s basically math and home-EC all in one, right?
Some days, we take advantage of the fresh air and bring our school work outside. We practice spelling words or numbers with chalk.
Or I send the boys off on a scavenger hunt and tell them not to come back until they find everything on their list, just so I can try to get some of my own work done.
Some days, we even have a surprise movie night/sleepover in the living room.
Some days, I think hey, at least we’re not having to worry about catching any stomach bugs or strep right now!
Some days, I have to remind myself that a meltdown from the boys over something very silly is likely over more than just a missed round on a math computer game. They miss their friends, they miss their routine, and they just don’t always know how to process it.
Some days, I still don’t know how to process it.
Some days, I’m able to actually embrace the “slowness,” which I say in quotations, because our weekdays feel anything but slow. But, rather, just the idea of life, and schedules, and plans slowing down. It doesn’t keep easily, but I’m trying really hard to see the positive in it, because we really don’t have a choice otherwise.
Every single day, I’m missing our family, friends, and co-workers.
And every single day, I’m making sure I take a moment to remind myself just how grateful we are to have each other within the walls of our home. Because in the end, that truly is all that matters. And we are beyond lucky for that. <3