Last week, I came across this post that somebody had shared on Facebook. I’m sure some of you read it. These days, it seems like almost every other post in my Facebook news feed is a shared article or meme so I don’t always pay attention to them. But there was something about this one that caught my eye.
As I read through the post, I found myself continuing to shake my head and say, ummm yes. Yes, yes, yes. To all of this.
I know I’ve briefly mentioned “how I’m doing” here and there in some of Alex’s monthly updates, and I’ve alluded to the fact that I do have more to share…it’s just finding the time to do it. So here I am today, with a little extra time, and I honestly have no idea what direction this post is going to take so I guess we’ll see what happens. I just feel like writing.
So back to that post.
At 33 years old, I’ve actually found myself at a bit of an odd place, and there are days where I’m really a bit undecided on whether or not I’m content with it. You all know by now that I have a day job. It’s nothing remotely close to what I went to college for (elementary education) or graduate school for (literacy), but it’s good. It’s a job that I certainly don’t dread going to, by any means, and I truly enjoy the company of my coworkers on the days that I’m in the office. I have a flexible schedule that I could not complain one bit about, and a boss that I could forever sing praises for (he does not read this blog, as far as I know!).
But am I really making a difference in peoples’ lives? No, not really. Am I going to change the world? Mmm, nope. Is it a true “career” with a path to continued success? I suppose it could be; there are certainly opportunities to advance, if I wanted to.
The thing is, I’m not sure I’d really want to. I know so many people who have always been incredibly career driven, and I’ve always found that so admirable. But looking back, when I used to think about how my life would look as I got older, I don’t think I’ve ever really been someone that’s focused on a ‘big’ career or someone trying to “climb the corporate ladder.” For me, if I’m at a job that I enjoy, I can provide for my family, and I actually have the flexibility to be with my family when I need (and want!) to be, then that has always been my priority. And the fact that I have that right now makes me feel incredibly lucky.
But then I find myself thinking that I should be doing more. Is all of that really good enough these days? Shouldn’t I be WANTING more?? That’s where that mediocre post mentioned above really hit home.
And the same goes for this blog, too! I like my day job because it allows me to provide for my family and have somewhat of a life outside of “mom,” which I’ve come to find out is important for me. But I love my blog because it allows me to do, really, whatever the heck I want! I can talk about what’s important to me, what’s on my mind, or the crazy chaos of adjusting to life with two kids. I’m lucky enough to be able to work with some amazing and fun companies. And sometimes, I’m even able to make a difference in someone’s day. Truthfully, that’s the #1 thing I miss most about teaching; feeling like I’ve made a difference or a positive impact on someone’s life.
Random old photo of me at a computer because I need images with wordy posts. ; )
But even with the blog, I often feel like I should be doing…more. It’s a self-imposed pressure that has been weighing heavier on me lately, and it’s something I just really need to get past. These days, it just seems like everything is about being “all in,” balls-to-the-walls, all about the hustle. And I’m just not sure I’m a hustler?
Next week, I’ll be coming up on the seventh anniversary of this blog. SEVEN years! Never, ever, would I have imagined after publishing that first post that it would become what it has. And that’s something that I know I should be incredibly proud of…and I AM. Seriously, I am.
But then I see so many other incredible bloggers who are just really kicking ass at what they’re doing. They’re creating these amazing programs, and ebooks, and providing services that are truly top notch. It seems like they’ve really found their niche, and as a “virtual friend” to them, I am so proud of what they’ve created.
Then I look at me over here and I think, well huh…what’s my niche? I’m just cruising along somewhere in the middle, somewhere between wanting MORE, and being okay with needing LESS. Should I be creating ebooks, too? Should I be hiring photographers to make my blog post photos look beautiful and organized?
It’s funny…I warned you above that I had no idea where this post was going to go when I started writing it. Sometimes, writing can be a bit therapeutic for me, since I’m not always the best with spoken words. And since looking back and reading what I’ve already written, I’m starting to realize that I think I really am more okay with being somewhere in the middle (mediocre?) when it comes to this blog than I thought I was. I often lose sight of the fact that this is NOT my full time job. Sure, it’s a side job that has the ability to pay well, and for that I’m incredibly grateful. But I think it’s okay to not necessarily have a “niche;” to be able to dabble in a little bit of everything because that’s just what you like.
I know that a good majority of you reading are likely readers who have been reading for a little while now. So for that, I need to give myself a little more credit, I suppose? That’s another reason I love this blog…where my day job lacks the ability to truly make a difference to some people, this little space makes up for it. Receiving emails or comments from you guys, letting me know that just one little blog post of mine made a difference in your day or life, means more than anything I could ever express (since I can’t really give you all hugs through this screen!). So even though there are many days (or weeks) lately where I’m just struggling to find words to chat about with you, it’ll still always be here to come back to when I can. You know, when these two cuties give me a break.
Another old photo!
I’m fairly certain I could let this blog post get incredibly long if I went in to all of my thoughts and feelings about all of the other facets of life (like on health and fitness, or on being a mom, or a wife, etc.). And maybe I’ll get to that soon, but the baby monitor next to me right now is telling me that nap time is up so it’s about time to hit ‘save’ on this one.
So for now, I guess I’ll conclude this post by first saying THANK YOU, as always. For reading along with me. For sticking around, even though I may be lacking my “blog spark” these days. For letting me spill my thoughts and feelings to so many people I’ve never met (and likely will never meet), and apparently, letting me work out my own insecurities and issues within one tiny post. Because I will tell you that while I know I still struggle, I am actually feeling quite a bit different right now than when I first sat down to start this post.
Funny how things work out that way, isn’t it? ; )