Do you ever wonder if you’re “normal?”
Actually, let me try that again. I suppose I shouldn’t necessarily say you, yourself…but rather, your fears? Like, do you have any fears that you know may or may not be rational, but your response to them might be completely… not normal?
I have finally succumbed to the fact that I am most definitely some sort of a germophobe. Not necessarily in the sense that I’m overly obsessed with cleanliness (if you saw my bathroom, you’d understand…), but my fear of germs, I swear, is getting worse and worse every year.
I totally blame kids. 110% on that. Because it’s a totally different ball game when you have to take care of a little person’s germs as opposed to your own. And seeing your babies sick is just never, ever fun.
But I’m to the point now where I’ll see someone post on Facebook that they have (insert whatever…stomach bug, hand foot mouth, you name it…) and I immediately tense up because I fear we’re going to get it next. Even if said person lives four states away! My kids tell me that their bellies hurt (which they love to do now when they’re hungry…) and I automatically assume we’re in for a stomach bug ordeal and my stomach is in knots for days waiting in anticipation. Last weekend, Lucas complained of having a headache, and I convinced myself that it was a sign of something “seriously wrong.”
I swear, I watch too many medical TV shows or something, because I’m always worried that there’s something else more serious going on that we just don’t know about.
The winter months always get tough, too, because we wind up stuck in the house so much more often…but then anytime I think of bringing them out to somewhere fun like a trampoline park or indoor play place, I can’t handle the thoughts of all the germs inevitably lying around. And then I’m totally “that mom” following them around with the pocket size bottle of hand sanitizer and wipes.
I mean, don’t get me wrong…I know that it’s normal to feel concerned about germs and sickness. But I guess I’m curious how often you guys let those fears get in the way of things. Do you just deal with it and hope for the best? Or do you err on the side of caution? Because sometimes I feel like I may be teetering on the line of obsessive whackadoodle. : )
Take yesterday, for example. My sweet, sweet Alex.
Along with the fact that both of my boys spent Saturday and Sunday telling me on and off that their bellies hurt (queue my stomach in knots), he started complaining on Sunday that his big toe hurt.
I heard “my toe hurt” and immediately went into panic mode.
I swear to you, I would have never, ever considered myself an alarmist until last year when Alex wound up in the PICU for the strep infection in his toe. Before that, I was way more of a “shake it off, you’re fine” sort of mom. Now? I immediately assume the worst, and it totally sucks. I like to joke that that incident “ruined me,” which I can now say lightheartedly and with a smile, but I really do have a hard time taking anything for face value now, and it’s definitely something I struggle with on a daily basis.
So of course I start panicking that, somehow, he’s got another strep infection in his toe (I’ve always been worried it never really went away). By Monday it was looking a little more red and swollen, so rather than driving myself crazy, I figured it’d be better to just have the peace of mind, and I called the doctor to make an appointment that afternoon.
The good news is that it simply appears to be an ingrown toenail. The bad news is that I felt like a bit of a nut requesting a same day appointment for what turned out to be…an ingrown toenail.
So with our prescription in hand, we left the doctor’s office and headed off to the pharmacy to pick up the prescribed ointment for his toe. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot (which had about 6 cars ahead of me for the drive-thru), I heard a familiar, not so fun sound coming from the back seat, which just so happens to rhyme with “cuke…”
I hightailed it out of the parking lot and turned around to go home, wondering the whole ride back whether or not it was just motions sickness or if the kid legit had a bug (thankfully, Jay was able to grab the prescription later before they closed). We got home, I stripped him down, gave him a bath, he splashed and laughed the entire time, and then ate an entire plate of pancakes and eggs for dinner…
So yeah, I’m going with motion sickness or too many snacks as the culprit (which was a total relief), but my goodness, having to clean that stuff out of a car seat is the absolute WORST, isn’t it?!
Once the boys had their dinner, I had just enough energy to cook up a couple of eggs for myself and then snack on a bunch of pita chips for my “dinner” of champs.
And then, since Jay had to work late yesterday, the three of us hung out and played for a while before it was eventually time for bed.
I know we’ve still got a long winter ahead of us, but my boys are both currently healthy (knock on wood) so I’ll take it while I can.
Motherhood, man. It’s quite the ride, isn’t it?!
Krystan says
I worry all.the.time. I tell myself if I wasnt worrying then I probably am not doing my job. For me it’s not so much germs as it is screwing my kids up for life! Am I riding my 5 year old too hard? He is an amazing kid, but he doesn’t think, he just acts. He is squirrelly and does not have perfect behavior at kindergarten. I feel I am failing as a good parent because if I was a good parent, my kid would behave right? Maybe it’s the comparison game that gets me.
So I found this podcast. It’s called Bad Mom. And it’s hilarious and true and helpful and just makes me feel like, okay, maybe I am more normal of a mom then how I feel 😀
Courtney says
Ohhhh girl, I totally feel you on ALL of that, too! I’m definitely going to check out that podcast, thank you for sharing!!
Kellie says
I unfortunately am also teetering on the wackadoodle side with ya girl on the germs. I also have 2 boys 4 and 1. I avoid play places like the plague and follow mine anywhere they go with hand sanitizer and wash hands literally when we walk in the door. It’s actually really annoying and I hate it but I can’t control my germaphobia. The belly hurt comment is so me. As soon as I hear that I’m in panic mode seeing what might happen. And yes if I read on Facebook some kid is sick with whatever I’m stressing out that sure enough we’re next even if they live states away. So yeah girl I feel you on all this. I’m sorry you deal with it too! I dread next August when my oldest starts kindergarten bc then it’s like I’ll be in waiting every day to see if illness strikes!! Ugh!! I wish I had some magic answer to make myself a normal mom who doesn’t worry over every ache and pain. And don’t feel bad about going in about his toe, you legit had a reason to be worried. Anyways ill stop rambling but I’m right there with ya hoping it’ll get better as they get older and trying not to lose my mind in the meantime!!
Megan Kelly says
I am right there with you with being a wackadoodle germaphobe. Just like you reading those things on facebook makes my stomach in knots wondering that we will be next even if we have had zero contact with the person. With kids in school and daycare, it raises my anxiety every year. I also work with kids but at the high school level so I feel like I have a better handle on them. I change my clothes as soon as I walk in the door before I do anything with my kids in case I am carrying any of the germs with me! I am just glad to see that there are others like me and maybe we aren’t crazy after all!
Kristen says
Oh man I can so relate! My son caught just about every bug going around his daycare last year including the stomach bug on Christmas. This year he’s not in daycare anymore but I’m so paranoid about taking him places where there are lots of kids germs. And now we have a newborn so I only anticipate it getting worse. Glad to know I am not alone! So glad your family is healthy!
Heather says
I’m the same! My son had a febrile seizure when he was just about 2, which was insanely terrifying. I was driving him to the pedi and was by myself in the car and turned around to see him blue, foaming at the mouth, then suddenly lifeless. I stopped the car and grabbed him out of his seat screaming for someone to call 911. We went to the ER and they determined it was a febrile seizure. Now every time either one of my boys has a fever, my
Stomach is in knots and i go into panic mode. So hard and stressful.
You’re doing great and definitely not alone!
Erin says
My 1 year old is just getting over a staph infection, 16 nights in the hospital, 3 surgeries, and 2 weeks of doing iv meds at home through a picc line. They finally told us yesterday that his picc line can come out, and now I’m a mess worrying that the infection will come back! I’m ruined!!! I feel like I should be happy we no longer have to get up in the middle of the night to administer meds, but all I feel is panic that he will get sick again.
Andrea says
I have Healh anxiety and have my whole life. My daughter has hardly been sick her whole life…. i can imagine the toe incident scared you a lot and I would feel the same.
Caitlin says
I completely get it. It wasn’t until becoming a mother that I worried like I do now and I do recognize sometimes it’s not fully rational. I actually remember you writing a long time ago after having your second the whole fear of driving off a bridge and what you would do with two kids in two car seats and I remember thinking – IT’S NOT JUST ME! not sure if that’s any consolation but when you love these little beings so much it physically hurts- it’s hard to not be able to control their health and all that.
I have found that I have to recognize and push out any truly irrational thoughts (like car accidents and that stuff. I just can’t!) When it comes to sickness I too understand after my daughter got pneumonia last year and we had one night where her kids lips were blue and just the thought of sickness like that again makes my stomach hurt.
The best we can do is make the best judgements we can during “sick season” without stopping life. I have also found there are seasons where I have to limit my FB usage because of the moms & sickness stuff that just causes way too much worry!!
Nikki says
Girl, thank you for this post!! I can fully relate to you on this. Last winter was the worst for us, granted he is only 17 months old but still, the worst. I have become so over protective when it comes to people touching/kissing on him and the things he touches when we’re out. It drives me crazy how I have become “that person.” I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one like this though, seeing our babes sick is never fun. I hope little man is feeling back to normal again!!
Chrissy says
My second son spent a few weeks in the PICU for respiratory issues as a baby. Now anytime he has a fever and his breathing is slightly different, I go into complete panic mode and we end up at the ER more than we should. I ended up going to therapy for a while to deal with the anxiety and trauma related to his health issues and to get a handle on how my own emotions were impacting my perceptions of his health and when he needed to be seen.. But the bottom line from all his providers has been that if you are ever concerned, bring him in – they do not get irritated and they completely understand. I think you were completely reasonable to bring him in to be seen that day for his toe – given his history, you do not mess around!
Kristi says
Oh my goodness, I thought I was the only one too! Exactly how you described it, whenever I hear something is going around the daycare, my stomach immediately goes into knots thinking we are “next”. Whenever we travel, I am the mom wiping down the airplane seats with antibacterial wipes for 5 minutes before I let our girls (1 and 3) touch anything! I’m still learning how to deal with my overall anxiety raising two babies! Thanks for sharing!
Kelly T. says
I am right there with you! Last winter was rough. My mom had a kidney infection that landed her in the hospital, my son had Influenza A, my youngest had the cold that never ended, my husband had horrible food poisoning for 5 days that ended us in Urgent Care, and then the next week we were back in Urgent Care because he got in a car accident. I am ready for HEALTHY kids and less worry!
Alison says
OMG, you poor, poor thing – I CANNOT imagine having to clean that car seat out. I would have struggled enough on the drive home just smelling the puke and probably would have made my husband clean the seat out. I don’t think your worries are crazy – Alex’s strep last year was SCARY and when both parents work, it’s hard not to dread hearing about what bug is currently going around because if and when someone does catch it, then you have to juggle who can stay home with the sicko and try to plan in case the other one gets it or God forbid, you and your husband.
I’m here to tell you, though, as someone who has come out the other side (my boys are now 19 and 20 haha) – it gets WAY easier the older they get. They become immune to a lot more and if and when they get a stomach bug they figure out how to make it to the bathroom! :)
Hang in there, Courtney – you’re an amazing mom!
Rachel Schlosser says
Cleaning puke out of anything is horrible. I totally get is my reaction to this fear normal thing, I will defiantly say that some of mine have gotten worse since having kids. Especially when they were younger and couldn’t really tell me what hurts or how they felt.
Missy says
It’s like you’re IN MY MIND. I could have written this post word for word. It’s a relief to know I am not alone but also a little sad that we all have to feel this way. I think that having a big/traumatic/emotional illness event can definitely help contribute and it seems like most of the people commenting have been through something a little more extreme, like you and the toe infection! Last year we had a bout of serious pneumonia in my 2 year old and a very serious GI bug in my tiny little 4 month old that landed us in the hospital with an IV….I just commented to our pediatrician at their well child visits that I swear I have PTSD from last year and am dreading this winter so so much!!! Even if I hear from my sister on the phone, who lives 500 miles away, that one of her kids are sick I irrationally get worried. As if I can catch something through the phone?! hahaha
Amanda says
A week long stay at Albany Med when my little one was 3 months old has done more than ruin me, I joke that I have PTSD… I am now a paranoid mess. Something I never thought I would be, my husband is too. I try to tell myself to just calm down and relax but my mind gets the best of me… So I understand what you are going through!
Kimberly says
I appreciate this post very much. I have had health anxiety for a long time. It truly sucks! I pray about it regularly. My middle daughter was really sick when she was a baby and it terrified me to my core. She ended up being fine after awhile thank God. That was twenty four years ago and I’m still a ball of nerves concerning health issues.
Michelle says
I can totally relate to this post. After my middle child spent time in the hospital at 3 days old and my youngest in the NICU for 6 weeks, my germ fobias really kicked in. I think it left me with a little PTSD. I can tell you as a Mom of three older kids, middle & high school aged, I can tell you this does get easier. Hang in there.
Kathleen says
I have a 1 year old and a 4 year old so I feel like I’m in a constant germ factory. I did want to mention that your level of anxiety, to me, sounds worth addressing with a doctor. Your experience with Alex was traumatic for sure, and talking to someone about it might help. For what it’s worth, one of my closest friends had some pretty serious (thankfully resolvable) medical issues with her child as a baby and her anxiety sounds a lot like what you described here. She met with a doctor and started taking medication for anxiety and it helped her significantly. I hope everyone stays healthy and you find something that works to keep the anxiety (mostly) at bay!
Kelli Rudolph says
Totally me! 110%. And I blame it on kids, too. I never used to worry about germs when it was just me. I figured if I caught I would just suck it up and deal. BUT OH MY WORD … it could be because my kids have some other non-germ related medical things that make me feel like I live at the doctor’s office. But, seriously, I am the same way. I carry around the sanitizer and wipes. We sanitize every time we get back in the car from school, daycare, stores, etc. I tell my children “DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING!!” if we have to make a doctor’s office visit. I get on my daughter’s case when she plays with her chapped lips because I don’t want her fingers in her mouth! Every time I pick them up and think they are just the slightest bit “warm” I start to panic. And it’s more that I start thinking about who’s getting it next, what do they possibly have, how much work/school will we miss, etc. I love summer because I feel like I can let my guard down just a bit … but boy does winter stink. We have already had … 3-4 colds, an ear infection, strep throat and a UTI. Enough already, it’s only NOVEMBER!
Elizabeth says
Hang in there.. I too am paranoid at every sniffle. And we just found out there was a confirmed case of the flu in Daycare, so I’m anxiously anticipating that. I try to be a little lax when it comes to germs in general though. I always try to remind myself that germs are actually GOOD for us and help us build our immunity. So I don’t carry hand sanitizer, only all natural baby wipes for sticky hands and face when needed. She’s a pretty healthy girl so far, and I attribute a lot of that to nursing up to about a month ago right after her 3rd birthday! But now I’m so nervous she’s going to get sick because this will be the first flu season of her LIFE that she hasn’t had my antibodies via nursing. Hopeful that it did help her build up her immunity for the long term though. Wishing your family health and happiness this Holiday Season! <3
Sydney says
I love knowing that I’m not alone!! I don’t worry a lot about colds and germs but the scary stuff. Any time one of my boys (2 and 4) has a random complaint, I convince myself that there is an underlying issue that we never caught and it outcome is going to be bad. I worry myself sick for a few days and then usually forget about it…until the next fandoms complaint comes up! I think it’s just part of loving these little guys so much and wanting them to be safe. But parenting is not for the faint hearted!!
Mallory says
Obsessive thoughts can come in all forms! Unfortunately I am far too familiar with them. It sounds like you may have slight OCD tendencies? Cognitive behavioral therapy definitely works wonders and is super effective for it. I would highly suggest that if it impacts your day-to-day more often than not, you consult with a therapist skilled in CBT. Life is too short to live with anxiety! :)
Mallory says
Also, OCD is an anxiety disorder that is nothing to be ashamed of (and I’m obviously not claiming to be a diagnostician or doctor). People who suffer from it tend to be highly intelligent, which is what makes it so frustrating. You know in your logical brain that what you’re obsessing over is irrational, yet the anxiety still takes over. Sorry for rambling, this is a topic I’m passionate about from personal experience! Low doses of SSRIs have also helped and are part of standard of care for OCD.
M says
I am a germaphobe without kids. I blame the internet bc before I had access to it and all trending news/health stories 24/7, I never thought about germs. Now I have hand sanitizer everywhere. I even got my bf carrying it with him, I guess we are made for each other. I’m so paranoid about flu or getting sick right before a big event or even some rare illness from dog Saliva of which you are more likely to be struck by lightning than catching. Idk how I will handle worrying about future kids!
Kathy says
When my son was three, he licked the metal pole divider that separated the grocery line check outs. I thought I would die right there. What could I do? It’s not like I could wipe his tongue off and I didn’t even want to think about what might be “on” the metal handrail. In any case, he’s 15 now, no worse for wear and thankfully, never licked another handrail :) ! I remember those days though – both my kids caught EVERYTHING at daycare and it was really hard to juggle two working parents’ schedules and the kids. Hang in there; it will get easier :)
Melissa says
What a relatable post! I cringeeeee when family members (aka my grandmother) kiss my baby near his lips. But what can you say to dear old gran!!??
Ha I hope your winter season stays germ free!
Laura says
You went through such an intense experience with the toe – honestly, PTSD from that sort of incident is for real. I know it feels weird to put yourself in the same category as people who’ve been through combat-level trauma, but it is definitely worth talking to someone about!! My son had pyloric stenosis as a newborn, which is a condition that causes vomiting (it’s the footnote of every “why is my kid puking” article, the part where they say “most puking is totally normal and no cause for concern but every once in a blue moon it’s this other thing that requires surgery” – the zebra, if you will) – and while we got through it just fine, I spent the next year suffering massive panic attacks and anxiety every time he threw up; the totally not-rational, physiological reaction kind. It’s so worth it to get help figuring out how to manage those things and get back to the place where you feel like yourself having whatever reaction you’re having, rather than feeling like there’s a stranger in your head having these totally unpredictable reactions instead of you. At least, that’s how it felt to me! There’s never going to not be worrying in parenthood, but there’s such a difference between worrying and anxiety. So much love to you and your family, and I hope you’re able to figure this out and feel a bit more stable or grounded soon!
Irene says
Just wanted to second this comment! I had serious anxiety after a health scare when my daughter was very young. I am so glad I saw a therapist and worked on ways to handle the unhelpful thought patterns I was getting trapped in. It never hurts to just check in with an expert!
Trisha says
I’m absolutely with you. I realize that social media and news outlets do their best to raise awareness about illness & disease, but man, sometimes I think it would’ve been nice to be a parent before there was SO MUCH press about every little thing. I overanalyze every cough, every fever, every sniffle. Because it seems like every day we’re seeing stories about people having a singular symptom & then ended up in ICU (or worse) the next day.
I basically live in a constant state of worry now that I’m a mom. Sometimes it’s totally rational. Most of the time it’s not. :)
whitty says
deal with it or else you’re kids will grow up weird and anxious because of you
Fiona MacDonald says
Aw mama I’m sorry you’re going through all this, you should recognize what Alex went through was a big deal and not to dismiss your fears but figure out where the worry comes from? So much of our ‘guilt’ as parents comes from how we see others raise their kids. As a nurse , I always run on the ‘you’re fine’ and sometimes I think I’m too laid back so we can never win. If you feel it’s getting in the way of being able to think rationally, I would think about talking to someone, no it doesn’t mean you’re crazy, but I have a lot of mom friends who have bad anxiety over their kids and their kids health and just finding good coping mechanisms can always be helpful to differentiate days you might be more tired and therefore less rationale about ‘normal kid stuff’ or days when you need to be on ‘mom duty when they’re really sick. Hang in mama you’re doing amazing xo
Monica says
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feels this way! I’ve got two kids who go to daycare, kindergarten, preschool… and we have been THROUGH THE RINGER with illness over the last 5 years. We’ve had it ALL over and over and over. Winter is excruciating! I would definitely say I have developed OCD when it comes to germs now. I also have an intense fear of vomit. That doesn’t help either! I’m also the mom who obsesses over handwashing and using hand sanitizer, and I despise play places. Your post makes me feel so much better and like I’m not alone in this!
Julie says
Oooh girl I could’ve wrote this post! It’s really relieving to read that you and several others deal with the same thoughts and anxiety. Between the cold weather keeping us inside and my constant fear of my daughter getting nasty germs; we really do not get out much in the winter :-/
I try to change our clothes right when we get home from classes, do elderberry syrup and diffuse thieves but who knows if all/any of it helps..
Ugh, solidarity sister. But air fist bump so we don’t spread germs haha
Amanda says
I can totally relate to your post and it makes me glad I’m not the only one!!! My son is 15 months and at 9 months he had a fever before nap time (no big deal), woke up after nap still having a fever so I picked him up and went to go get the Tylenol. As soon as I walked in the bathroom, he started having a seizure in my arms. He turned completely blue and stopped breathing. I started doing CPR and somehow managed to call 911 and my husband while he quickly started breathing again. They rushed him to the ER and the paramedic assured me that seizures happen all the time. WHAT?! I’m a total “shake it off” kind of mom but this totally sent me on a tailspin. He was completely fine and ended up coming down with a virus the next day, and I was told by his pediatrician and friends that kid’s can have a seizure when their temp rises too quickly. Not a day has gone by that I don’t think about him having another seizure. I’m not sure if I will ever not think about it. Even though it “isn’t a big deal”, I’m a total whacko now and sanitize him everywhere we go and am terrified of him getting sick again to the point where it makes me stomach turn anticipating the next illness. I’ve never told anyone this, so I’m glad I’m getting it off my chest! Thank you for writing this post!!!