I’m terrified. I have no doubt that my world is about to be flipped upside-down once our second bundle of joy arrives. And as much as I’d like to say, “ahhh, I’ve done this before! Piece of cake!” I’m not naïve enough to think that’s going to be the case.
I’m SO excited. For so many reasons. The thought of having another living person that Jay and I created just boggles my mind sometimes!
Even though I’ve always pictured my family with two kids, I never imagined the immense, mixed emotions I’d feel about bringing a second child into our family. Part of me wants to make sure I soak in every second of this pregnancy because it will likely be the last time I’ll get to experience it.
When I think about having to take out my breast pump again, it makes my toes curl. I will undoubtedly want to burn that thing once all is said and done.
But at the same time, the thought of nursing a newborn (hoping that he/she is as easy as Lucas was) brings me so much joy. That bond was so special with Lucas, and I look forward to being able to (hopefully) do it again.
I wonder if it will be at all possible for my boobs to shrink even more after the second baby. Something tells me it’s probably possible, which is a bit of a bummer.
I sit and stare at Lucas daily and wonder what, if any, of his features his brother or sister will have. Will we have another blond hair, dark eyed baby? Will he/she be adventurous, curious, and stubborn just like his/her older brother? Will they be totally similar, or like night and day?
I can’t wait to see how Lucas interacts with his little brother or sister. And on that same note, I’m also incredibly nervous about that, too. “Gentle” isn’t necessarily a word I use to describe my busy, active boy!
Thinking about being able to experience all of the “firsts” with another child makes me giddy. I can’t wait to see his/her first smiles and hear his/her giggles. As exhausting as the newborn stage can be, I’m so ready to experience a little squishy newborn again.
The thought of no longer getting solid sleep for a long time gives me a major case of the sads.
I’m very interested in seeing how Lucas reacts to being a big brother. He loves to help us around the house when we ask, and I’m curious to see how he’ll be if/when we ask him to help with the baby.
I worry about how having two babies will affect a marriage. Don’t get me wrong…we’re solid! But will we ever have time for ourselves?? Will I have enough energy to give to everyone in the family?
I’m nervous about how I’ll be able to manage going back to work with two kids. It’s really not an option for me to not go back, and I really do like working and what I do. But I cannot fathom how I’ll ever manage to get out of the house in one piece in the mornings.
There will be a part of that will be equally happy and equally sad no matter if our second is a boy or a girl. If it’s a boy, I’ll be ecstatic for Lucas to have a brother to play with, but I’ll be sad that I’ll never get to experience having a girl (assuming we stick with only have 2 kids). Vice versa, I’d love to have both a boy and a girl, but I’ll be sad that Lucas won’t have a brother “buddy.”
And for my most honest and profound thought…
There are at least a few days every week where I’ll tear up or cry because I feel such guilt and emotion surrounding the idea that Lucas will no longer get my full, undivided attention. I’ve come to learn that this is not uncommon, after reading so many different articles about the mommy guilt that surrounds your second child. I honestly can’t get through ANY of those articles without ugly crying. Although I KNOW that this is what we want and are thrilled, and I’m sure that Lucas (and us) will absolutely appreciate him having a playmate, I still have a really hard time thinking about how he’s no longer going to be my baby (even though he’ll still always be my baby).
Gahhh, here come the tears again…
I know everyone says your heart will get bigger as your family grows, and I’m sure it will. But even still, I just cannot imagine being able to share the love that I have for my Lucas. He has my whole heart, and I’m still trying to figure out how I’ll share it.
For the moms of more than one out there…how did you adjust to growing your family? Did you have any struggles? Was it emotional for you?
Katie says
Great post! I had the same worries you did, especially about the sadness that the first baby is your first baby and won’t get your undivided attention. But what you’ll see is you’re giving him the greatest gift- a sibling! Now that my girls are 3.5 and almost 2, they are best friends. They look for each other as soon as they wake up, they play well together, they get into mischief together. And you’ll eventually be able to carve out special time for each of them individually (I just took the older one to see Disney on Ice without her little sister and it was so much fun! But she missed her sister! Haha)
Excited to see how it all comes together for you in the future, because it will, and you’ll be awesome at it.
Courtney says
This is so nice to hear, thank you Katie!!
Jenny says
Good morning! I’m due in 3 weeks with my second baby and everything you said are all the things I have felt! You are not alone. It will be hard but it will be wonderful! You’ll do an amazing job. Good luck!
Courtney says
Awww yayy! Good luck to you too, Jenny!
Kim says
I really loved this honest post Courtney! My kids are 14 months apart…now they are 3 and 20 months. Two kids is a tremendous amount of work regardless of there age gap. I felt very overwhelmed and I am lucky that my husband is a great help. I think your attitude knowing it will be challenging is the best one to have. That being said, nothing will make it more worth it then seeing your children play and love each other. I hope you keep writing about topics like these :)
Marielle says
My two kiddos will be 14 1/2 months apart (baby #2 is due in May)- glad to hear there are other people out there that have survived!! :)
Courtney says
Thanks so much, Kim! I do enjoy writing posts like this, so we shall see what else comes to mind! :)
Marina @ Snackie Bird says
Well, I am not a mom, but I have huge family and I am one of the older sister ;) I have 5 siblings and it`s amazing. Stressful, always noisy, but fun. Everythings will be great, really.
Brynn says
Thank you for this beautiful, honest post. We are thinking of trying for our second child, and I have so many of these similar thoughts already. But I do believe the heart grows when you have a child. It’s the most amazing thing about life.
Jessica says
I’m days away from delivering our second child and I have had these same thoughts the whole time! I think it will be hard because we know our first babies so well and they have these great personalities and babies really don’t do much of anything at first. I think it takes some time to adjust and that’s ok! It is definitely a roller coaster of emotions though!
Courtney says
Ahhhh, best of luck to you, Jessica!!
Alyssa says
I had the exact same thought and worries. I was so excited for our second but worried so much how my oldest would react, would he think I didn’t love him as much anymore since I couldn’t give him my 100percent attention. However it has really been amazing. I have two boys, 2.5 years and 6 months and I wouldn’t change it for the world. The love between the two already just melts my heart thinking of it. It is so neat to see them play together and my oldest son trying to help us with him and trying to show it brother things. It was alittle crazy at first going from one to two but it will all fall into place. Lucas will love it and your heart will grow more then you ever could have imagined! I hope your pregnancy is going great!
Courtney says
Thanks so much, Alyssa! I agree, I’m SO looking forward to seeing the two of them interact and play :)
Marielle says
I love this post! I’m pregnant with my 2nd (due in May) and have similar feelings…especially about the breast pump, ha! I know it’s going to be an adjustment for my little girl to get used to not being the only one, but I can’t wait to see the 2 of them play together!
B says
I love this post. Those emotions are totally normal and valid. I am sure you and your family will be amazing as a family of four. You will wonder how you lived without that fourth little person. I remember going through those same emotions prior to welcoming our second and then she was here and my girls adored each other from the beginning. Now as we prepare to welcome our 3rd I am wondering where I will get the extra time I need to get out of the house in the mornings (bc two because second nature) and if I’ll ever sleep again! But I do know my children will adore each other and I will love this next baby as much as I love my first babies. Cannot wait to hear if you are having a baby brother or a baby sister! Either way – it’ll be amazing:)
Courtney says
Thanks so much, B! :) Best of luck to you on baby #3!
Taylor says
Love your honesty. I think most moms can relate to what you are feeling. It will all work out :)
Kelli Rudolph says
You could not have described my EXACT emotions any better. Literally, every single thing you said … from the guilt about not giving my undivided attention to my daughter anymore, to not having time for my husband and “us” as much as I do now, to the lack of sleep, etc. I love having a newborn around, too but at the same time a big (and it sounds SO selfish) part of me is thinking “starting all over again? but we have a child that feeds herself, is potty trained, can tell me what she’s thinking, etc … do I want to start all over again?” … At the same time, this will likely be my last pregnancy as well and I’m doing my best to enjoy every minute and to look forward to the “last” newborn moments I’ll have as well. Every word of this post is so, so true to my thoughts/emotions at the moment. Thank you so much for writing it!
Courtney says
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts too, Kelli! It always helps to hear that you’re not alone :)
Ashley @ Sweet Carolina Belle says
So beautifully spoken. I have very similar thoughts when I think about our first child and if we would try for another. I have heard that your heart just creates equally as much room for your second child.
Kelli @ Hungry Hobby says
I had literally never in my life thought about that as a potential emotion for a mother to go through or have. It totally makes sense though! The only thoughts I can offer is that I am an only child and I always, to this day, wanted a sibling. Growing up is just better with a friend and that’s the best gift you give him!
Julie says
Omg I cried reading this!! The part about loving your second child as much is always on my mind! I always wanted a big family with 3-4 kids. After having my son (5 months old now) the idea of having another baby and loving them as much as I love him seems impossible. I just cannot even fathom the idea right now! He seriously has my WHOLE heart.
Courtney says
Haha, I still cry when I go back and re-read it too, Julie :)
I honestly couldn’t even entertain the idea of having a second baby until Lucas was just over 2. I’d cry just at the mention of it because the guilt was so heavy!
Lauri says
I feel like everything I could possibly say will sound cliché but it’s really all true! You just find the room in your heart for that second baby and they touch you in ways the first did not! My scenario is a little different because my son was just about 7 when my daughter was born, and I really thought I was good with our little family of 3. I had a TOUGH time conceiving how another child could fit in, we had such a good thing going! Not to mention he was SO independent and now I had to start over? Well, my little girl is just such a blessing to our family in a different way! She truly completes us (corny and cliché, but true!) and we didn’t even realize anything was missing. Seeing my son with her is amazing (she said his name before “mama”) but I also love how she has special and different relationships with all of us (and she is only 1, haha!) For some reason my Dad and her seem to have bonded and she loves him, which is great because my son and my mom are best buds and I think sometimes he felt left out.
Your kids being close in age will be beneficial that they will be playmates, in school together and watching out for each other. Enjoy these last few months as the 3 of you, but I guarantee once the baby arrives it will all fall into place!
My one suggestion would be to still make time for you and Lucas to do things alone. Since my son was older, he was more aware so I feel like I need to make extra effort with that.
It’s going to be great!
Courtney says
Thanks so much for your input, Lauri! Yes, I fully intend to plan for plenty of time for just me and Lucas. :)
Kathryn says
Honestly, the transition from 0-1 was so much harder than the transition from 1-2, for me and for many other moms I’ve talked to. My kids are almost exactly 2 years apart. My kids were also night and day. My second was a much easier baby (and young kid) than my first was. I found that, since I had some experience under my belt, it was much easier to get out the door in the morning.
I think most moms feel the way you do, it’s completely understandable.
Courtney says
Interesting! I’ve heard a few people say this, and it’s always been encouraging, haha. Thanks, Kathryn!
Brigid says
My biggest concern was if I would love my second child as much as my first. And, I did. I just want to talk about your concern that Lucas will not be getting your full attention. It will actually be the best thing for him. Our children become the center of our universe but they are not the center of “THE” universe. So having to share attention is a good lesson to learn and skill to have. My oldest who is now 14, still struggles with not realizing that the world doesn’t center around him. I think this is a birth order thing! He thinks we will drop everything if he wants to go somewhere or wants something. We work on this all the time. He’s one part of our family unit and sometimes he has to sacrifice a little for his siblings.
As for managing with the two and working. You will do it. You will adjust and it will be great. Remember to cut yourself some slack. Things won’t be perfect but perfect is boring anyway!
Courtney says
That’s a great way to look at things, Brigid. Thank you!!
Katie says
Agreed! I am petrified of getting out the door to do anything, especially work, and I fear that I will become a hermit over the next couple of years. Having a 2 year old and a newborn will be exhausting! But, I am so excited too. I love a noisy house. My first child just turned 15 and we never see her anymore. So, we need some more action in the house. Be careful what you wish for, I know!
Courtney says
Aww, haha, best of luck to you, Katie!!
Kelly says
I felt the same way about not wanting to divide my attention. I would look at my sons’ crib and almost mourn the loss ahead of time of it just being him and I. My kids are 9 and 6 now. I simply cannot tell you how amazing it is to hear their laughter upstairs. They are best friends and when our little family goes on all our outings together, it is so “complete” feeling. You’ll love having two!
And yes, you and your husband lose a bit of connection those first few months, when the bewitching dinner time/fussy hour rears its ugly head…but it soon passes (just like it does with every baby) and you have your evenings back, just the two of you you, to unwind and reconnect. :)
Oh, and I lost the baby weight twice as fast after my second because I was much more motivated to get up and get recovered so I could play with my first! That was a pleasant surprise!
Courtney says
Well hey, that does sound like a pleasant surprise, haha! Mine didn’t magically drop off the first time around, so maybe it’ll be a little easier with #2 ;)
Morgan @ Morgan Manages Mommyhood says
Yes to all of this! My son will be 22 months when our second is born and I literally think this every. single. day. The only thing that helps is that my brother and I are only 14 months apart, so I figure if that was doable and I don;t resent anyone, 22 months should be a breeze..
Courtney says
Haha, good way to look at it, Morgan! Good luck to you!
Ellen says
My daughter is 3.5 and our baby boy is now one year old. I had so, so many of the same worries , especially feeling like I was taking something away from her. About halfway through the pregnancy, we started letting dad do more nighttime stuff with our daughter, going on outings, etc. so she was used to being with him just as much and she’d be ready when mommy had to be with the baby more, and daddy was with her. Now I realize though, whatever we “took away” from her – she has gained ten-fold. She is so proud of her little brother, she has learned to love and nurture and take care of another little human being in a way she would have never learned without him. We have also leaned on grandparents more — more sleepovers with them (for our oldest) because they completely spoil her, undivided attention, etc. and it’s wonderful for her. You’re a great mom so no doubt, you’ll rise to the occasion and before you know it, it’ll feel like the norm again.
PS – I’ve never commented but LOVE your blog. I hope you keep it up for a long time. You are perhaps the most “real” mama blog out there and it’s a breath of fresh air.
Courtney says
Aww, thank you so much for commenting (and reading!), Ellen! Your comment was so kind :)
Yes, we are so incredibly thankful and grateful to have grandparents nearby…they’re always more than willing to help out!
Christina says
Hi Courtney! I’m a new blog reader, and just wanted to say that I LOVE this post! I’m also expecting #2 (24 weeks tomorrow), and I feel like I could have written this post myself! YES to everything you said! I’m especially anxious about the lack of sleep (I’m so tired NOW….how will I function with a newborn??), as well as managing my job, marriage, household, and a 4 year old! I can’t wait to follow along on your journey – we totally got this!! :)
Courtney says
Hey Christina! Thank you SO much for reading the blog, and congrats to you on baby #2 on the way!! Yes, we’ve got this ;)
Catherine @ foodiecology says
This is such a heartfelt, honest post!
I’m sure every mom feels what you’re feeling. In fact, I’m mom to a 15-month old and nowhere near trying for a second yet, but even I have similar thoughts from time to time about missing the newborn stage, wondering how we could afford daycare for two (since it’s not an option for me to SAH either), etc. But I’m sure your heart will grow and your family will feel like it was always meant to be.
On a less serious note, I LOL’ed at the boob comment. We officially weaned at the end of last month, and the girls are just the saddest things! :-)
Courtney says
Oh my gosh, I couldn’t even fathom the idea of trying for a second until Lucas was just over 2. I would cry just at the mention of having a second anytime before that because the guilt was THAT heavy. So I know where you’re at right now, for sure!
And yes, let’s take a moment to mourn the loss of our girls for a moment… ;)
Kristin says
And this is why I love your blog….so honest and real :) I remember the night before our second child was born my husband and I both looking at each other and thinking what have we done? I think it’s only natural to have these fears and excitement about adding to your family. You will be amazed how it all just fits. Everything falls into place and you won’t be able to imagine your life before the 2nd baby (ok lets get real, you will remember sleeping through the night, but you know what I mean) I would also say don’t worry about a brother or sister for Lucas. I had these same thoughts and my daughter and son are SO close! They are totally each others buddies and it’s awesome to see their sibling bond. I won’t sugar coat it working full time with 2 kids is not my favorite and if we could afford it I would love to stay home, but you will find your routine and you will make it out the door 5 days a week. :) You can do it! Everyday might not be perfect or full of grace, but when you tuck those sweet babies in at the end of the day your heart will be so full and all the other stuff won’t matter. :)
Courtney says
I loved this comment so much, Kristin. Thank you!! The sibling bond is definitely something I’m looking forward to watching. I’m sure working will be tough, but we’ll manage through!
Joni says
I am just loving all of the comments! And your honest post. I’m due with my second any day now. My little girl (2 years and 4 months) is my absolute WORLD and I just cannot fathom how I’ll fit my son into my heart too, but I know I will. I am also just so nervous about the sleepless nights, the going back to work and pumping (ughhh I totally feel you on that one), and the no time with the husband. But, we survived it the first time having no clue what we were doing, so we’ll do it again :) I am also already seeing the role my daughter wants to play, as my sister just recently had a baby and she is fascinated with her, wanting to help and be around her all the time. As others said, I think the greatest gift will be a sibling so my daughter realizes the world doesn’t revolve around her – she’s the first grandchild on BOTH sides so she’ll need to learn to share the love ;-) It’s going to be an exciting/exhausting journey but we can do it! Best of luck to you!!!
Courtney says
Thanks Joni, and the same to you, too!!
Jessica Molstad says
Hey Girl you are having the same feelings I had. And it was emotional, but once my second son arrived I felt like our family was complete. And in the beginning it was hard trying to take care of a newborn and still spend time with my older son. But that is where you set up play dates and schedule time alone with him. The first year is always the hardest, but it does get easier. My older son is now 7 and my baby is almost 2. They do play well together but sometimes my older son gets a little rough with my little one. And the biggest struggle I have now is trying to get out of the house in the morning and be on time to work. All I can say is prepare as much as you possibly can the night before. My husband goes to work 2 hours before me, so I am on my own in the mornings and each day is a new challenge. But we make it work and I am sure you will too.
Courtney says
Thanks so much for sharing, Jessica! Yes, getting out of the house in the morning is going to be…interesting. :) Props to you for handling it solo!!
Sarah says
My mom had 7 kids (all 2-3 years apart), and let me tell you, not one of us felt neglected by her ever! She wasn’t supermom, wasn’t perfect, and she had her moments. But everything was (and is) filled with immense love, and we knew it. We’ve all grown/are growing up completely normal and don’t have any emotional issues from her not dividing her time. Honestly, I think kids just know that baby is going to need more of mom’s time. Often, that realization is wrapped up in their happiness of having another playmate. I’m not saying it will be all sunshine and roses, but it will be SO worth it in the end. i have no idea how she did it (she also homeschooled most of us!), but if there’s anything I have learned, it’s that God will never give you more than you can handle. And His grace is always sufficient. He will give you the strength you need!
Courtney says
Major props to your mom, Sarah! Wow! I can’t even imagine, haha. Thank you so much for the encouragement :)
Suzanne @ Life is a Mix says
I’m pretty sure I had all of these same thoughts after my 2nd baby and then my 3rd! Regardless of how many children you have, adding a new family member is bound to change your “normal”. Luckily, after a few months of adjustment, everything starts to fall into place again.
I will say that giving your child a sibling is the best gift you will ever offer them! Just think about it, can you imagine your life without your brother?! Even my kids, who were 9 and 6 when their brother was born cannot imagine how their lives would be without that sweet and sometimes troublesome baby brother!
Courtney says
Aww, sounds like your 9 and 6 year olds are the same age difference as Lucas and baby #2 will be! Did you find that age difference to be helpful?
Suzanne @ My Life is a Mix says
It was the perfect age difference in my opinion! They are far enough apart that my oldest was able to understand mommy needing to help the baby while at the same time being close enough in age to form a great bond! They are so close and while they do bicker here and there they are best friends!
Melissa says
Oh Courtney. You have the best heart and your kiddos are so lucky to have you as their mama. I don’t have kids, but I just love that you always keep it real and genuine. Having siblings has been such a blessing in my life, and I’m sure Lucas and your new little one will be so happy to have one another. And you and Jay seem like the kind of couple that works at your relationship and prioritizes time together. Keep doing what you’re doing. You’ve got this.
Courtney says
Thanks so much, Melissa! :)
Coco says
I’m expecting my second and I can’t agree you more with the last point. Nicely put! :)
Katy H says
I have a 2.5 year old boy and a 8 month old girl and when I was pregnant with baby #2 I went through all the exact same emotions you just described. All the good you described will happen, and all the “bad” things you’re worried about won’t be that bad. Having 2 children has definitely been tough, but overall the good far outweighs the stress. All in all, know that it will be okay and there is enough love to go around :)
Courtney says
Thanks so much, Katy! This was definitely encouraging :)
Steph says
Figuring out my new relationship with my older son was, hands down, the hardest thing about the transition to two (well, aside from not sleeping. That was really hard too ;) ). I cried so much in the beginning when things weren’t the same. My kiddos are 22 months apart so the older one was still very much a baby himself and couldn’t understand why I suddenly couldn’t play with him at the playground etc. I think the best thing you can do is focus on getting some 1:1 time with the older sibling in the beginning. The baby won’t know the difference but the older one will really enjoy that time to feel special. My younger one is now 7 months and it is much easier to focus on both kids without feeling guilty. There is always time during the day where one is napping and the other gets 1:1 attention, and when they are both awake we can all play together (though the baby is more needy still). It’s a tough transition, but it’s worth it to watch them become playmates (my son’s favorite pastime is knocking his brother down, and the baby laughs hysterically…who am I to say that’s not the best game?).
Steph says
Oh, also, the real blessing in having them close together is that the toddler will forget what it was like before. I asked my son the other day if he remembered when the baby was in my belly and I’m certain he had no clue what I was talking about.
Courtney says
I absolutely can’t wait to see them interact with each other!! And I have no doubt Lucas will become quite good at that whole knocking down thing, haha ;)
Heather says
I have two kids, my daughter is 4 and my son is 20 months. I will not beat around the bush and say the second was easy. It was tough. The first few weeks were so hard. Like yourself, I was not naive enough to expect that it would be anything but that, but still it was harder than I expected. That being said, it was easier in some respects. I was already a mom so I knew nursing would hurt, how emotional I would be, how tired, etc. I remember bawling my eyes out as I left my daughter to go have my son. I felt so guilty. I felt like I wasn’t being fair to her. Boy, how wrong I was to feel that way! She absolutely adores her brother and has since the first time she met him. It was hard for her in the beginning but she adjusted so quickly and so will Lucas! Kids are so much more resilient that we give them credit for. I made a point to play with her or do a craft with her at some point everyday those first few weeks. I forgot how much newborns sleep so I was able to give her more time than I expected. Also, with all that down time nursing, keep Lucas close. Read him books, build Legos, it is amazing how quickly you will get the hang of doing things with one hand. :) Good luck mama. You will all be just fine. Better than fine. It will be so awesome! :)
Courtney says
Thanks so much for the advice, Heather! I’m already planning on making sure to have plenty of special time with Lucas once the baby arrives. And LOL to getting the hang of things with one hand. ;) Yes!
Erin says
Awesome post. My son is a little over 2 years old and I’m due with a girl at the end of February. You just put into words random thoughts that have been floating through my head. The lack of sleep scares me the most since I KNOW what it took to get my son to sleep through the night finally. Oh man…deep breath, we’ve got this.
But ugh the pump…I hear ya.
Courtney says
Yes, you go this mama!! Best of luck to you on baby #2 next month!!
Dena says
Believe it or not, it just “works”. You will NEVER struggle over it. It feels like you will, until the 2nd is born, and then, it all just WORKS. And you love them both the same, and enough! It’s amazing!
Courtney says
Thanks Dena! This is really nice to hear :) It is true…somehow, you always manage to find a way to make whatever it is work!
Carolyn says
This post was fantastic and pretty much exactly how I felt when pregnant with my 2nd. I now have 4 kids, after having 3 boys I had a girl and all of my kids are just under 2 years apart. I will say that even when my daughter was born there was a small part of me that was sad she was not a boy. I thought having 4 boys would be so fun! But obviously I love having a daughter.
Going back to work is hard no matter how many kids you have but you will figure it out. You’ll be amazed how quickly you adjust and multi task and soon it won’t seem much different than when you just had 1!
Yes you will want to burn the pump! I was never so glad to get rid of mine! Honestly having to pump at work was probably worse than having to leave my kids! But of course it was so important for me to keep breastfeeding and like you mentioned the bond is so special. I treasured each moment breastfeeding all of my kids. I miss that more than anything now that my daughter is 2:(. Oh and yes your boobs will shrink even smaller than after the first. ????
You will do great, but it’s good to put those fears out there and know that you are not alone. I love reading your blog and have been praying for you guys these last few months. I am so sorry about your father-in-law.
Much love,
Carolyn
Courtney says
Thank you so much, Caroline. I truly appreciate your comment! And wow, props to you on 4 kiddos!!! That’s amazing! :)
Ruthie Hart says
Courtney I loved this post! Amen to all of it…. the thought of getting up in the night, being a human cow, and all the glamorous postpartum “stuff” had me not so ready for baby #2 but I will tell you this. I never felt like I connected with Lucy even half as much as I did with Ford during their pregnancies. I just didn’t have time to sit and day dream about a baby when my toddler kept me busy. I had so many feelings of guilt and told myself I was excited because it was a girl so it was different and new. I could cry at the thought of loving Ford less… and I truly believed I wouldn’t be able to love another human as much as I did Ford. And then, on April 27th 2015 at 8:21 my heart exploded. I saw Lucy for the first time and I thought, “Yes, it was you all along. You are my daughter” and I fell in such deep love with her in an instant!! It wasn’t a long drawn out love story like my first pregnancy, it was this incredible, fast, hard love. And I am SO grateful for that. My worries were instantly wiped away because seeing her solidified everything. And your heart doesn’t divide when you have another child, it expands. It is the coolest thing to watch your capacity to love grow SO much. And yes there are those first few weeks when all you do is baby/kid stuff (sleep, feed, change, recover, rest) but you KNOW it will get better. You know you will sleep again, that you won’t always wake up in a pool of sweat, and that your boobs won’t always be an all you can eat buffet. That is the beauty of second time motherhood. You can savor the hard times, press into them, because you know they are so fleeting. I have to say that I have thoroughly enjoyed Lucy as a baby SOO much more than I did Ford. I thought each “bad” night was my life forever, and I longed for him to get older so things would be easier. I laugh at that now… because toddlers are so much more work than babies! Anyway, I really want to encourage you because being a 2nd time mom is such a sweet gift. Lucy is getting such a better mom out of me.. I am not a nut case… I am confident and that really shows! And remember, nothing is sexier than seeing your hubby cuddle a tiny baby. You will fall in love with Jay 1000 times over!
Okay NOVEL over! Sorry!! XOOX
Courtney says
Ruthie, this was SUCH an amazing comment. Thank you SO much for taking the time to share your thoughts! I was really at a point where I needed to read something encouraging and this absolutely helped (although, I had sort of forgotten about the waking up in pools of sweat at the beginning there, lol, so THAT I’m not looking forward to!). But really, thank you!
Shayla Blumbergs says
I have to comment here too that that was such an amazing comment Ruthie! I’m in tears reading this…and Courtney, I so relate to everything you wrote! Reading this comment and everyone else’s really truly helps…thank you! I’m so glad you posted this Courtney :)
Melissa @ Freeing Imperfections says
Since the day I had my daughter, I was like – I want ALL the babies! She is so great that I couldn’t wait to have more kids to compound on the greatness that is being a mom. Except that now I am so in love with my daughter that I have turned to the other side, of not even wanting any more kids, because I want to give all the attention to her! It’s such a weird feeling. I know I want more kids, but my husband and I have had conversations about having her as an only child because we also worry about how we would make anything in life work with more than one kid. It’s definitely a lot to wrap your head around. But I just keep telling myself that people have done it for years!
I’m really grateful to have you a few steps ahead of me to follow along and soak up all your tips!
Courtney says
Aww, well I’m glad I can help, Melissa! :)
skigirl0891 says
You will be able to give more love than you imagine! Don’t worry mamma! I have twins (first and probably only) and I often wonder if I am giving “enough” love and feeling spread soooo thin all the time (mornings and getting out the door to work, c-r-a-z-y) buy you do it, because you have to, because you love it, and know that there is more than enough of your hear to go around <3
Laura G. says
Thank you for this post! I am currently 7 weeks pregnant with my second and I am already wondering how I am ever going to share my heart with my next child. My daughter and I are so close (she is 2 and a definite mamas girl) and I am worried sick about sharing time with her! And I am definitely not looking forward to sleepless nights again. Just when you start finally sleeping well again, time to do it all over!! So know that I share your exact thoughts and feelings and I can’t wait to hear how things go with 2 after you have your next one! Congrats again and love your blog! Longtime reader from FL!
Em @ Love A Latte says
I’m soooo glad you wrote this post! I can relate to everything you said! I’m a few weeks behind you (still need to officially blog announce it!) but all of this has crossed my mind. I can’t wait to see how my son interacts with his sibling, but I also can’t imagine not giving all my attention to him. I’m beyond excited, but I know life is about to get a whole lot crazier. I’m a full-time working mom too and I’m not sure how my house will ever get clean or laundry done, or meals on the table. We’ll figure it all out though! We figured it out with #1 and we’ll adjust with two. Thanks for being such an inspiration. Can’t wait to follow the rest of your journey!
Laura says
My kids are 5 & 7, 23 months apart to be exact. When I look back on when they were little, I smile, laugh, and think, “Way to go mama!” Lol! It’s an exciting, exhausting, crazy time and it’s often survival mode. I remember a co-worker telling me — “Just wait, there will come a day when you leave the house, jump in the car, and your kids will *buckle their own seat belts*. It will be glorious.” And it is! I remember the last time I nursed my son, and the last diaper (followed by several fist pumps in the air) and the last day of preschool and the best part about when you do that all with Lucas … You get to do it one more time! When it gets tough, just remember, it’s all only temporary. Each stage of parenting is hard, I think, and brings new challenges (I CAN’T EVEN with imagining the teenage years!) but that’s what makes it the best job you’ll ever have! :)
Lindsay says
This post just confirms what a great mommy you are. I don’t think you’re going to have any trouble (other than the usual sleep deprivation ha). I bet Lucas will end up being a huge help to you too. If you’re nursing the baby and need a burp cloth, for example, he can get it for you. You can tell him he’s taking care of his baby sibling, and I bet he’ll be super proud! Best of luck!
Teresa says
You are speaking the same thoughts I had when I had my second son. My two sons are 20 months apart. I remember being in the hospital before I gave birth to my second thing worrying about what it was going to do to my first born He was my full life until the second one came along. I couldn’t imagine loving another child. Your heart just continues to grow. Every day, all day I thank God for my blessings. It is always challenging as I have a demanding job outside of the home in addition to doing 99% of the inside out outside house work/maintenance. They are 11 and 12 now and one of the new challenges that I have are that I cannot be in two places at one time when they have conflicting schedules but I wouldn’t trade it. Once they start school, it is full speed ahead. Due to complications, I had to have my tubes tied after my second son was born. I still have pangs of wishing for a girl or a third child but truly am grateful for being doubly blessed. Many blessings to you for a healthy family!
Annette Perkins says
I loved reading your thoughts because many of them were similar to what I felt before I had my 2nd in August. And I can say, from the other side, many of these worries will go away once you actually have your baby, and many of them will be magnified, and many of them are so true you want to laugh & cry at the same time.
I also couldn’t imagine loving another kid and/or having time for both, but somehow my heart expanded and I am able to (mostly) meet their needs. My older girl has become much more independent too, which I think is a HUGE plus! She also is more helpful and usually does what I ask when it comes to helping the baby.
Now, with that being said, the first few weeks were HARD with a capital H. I felt so guilty because my oldest had like none of my attention, and she acted out a lot (hitting the baby any time she could). It broke my heart, but we learned to help her use language to say what she was feeling, and when I wasn’t nursing, gave her my full attention. It totally worked & now she’s the sweetest older sis! I promise it gets easier, but those first few weeks, do everything you can to just SURVIVE. We ate a lot of frozen meals once the meal train ended, the laundry never got folded, and my husband and I napped when we could, but we made it through.
Longest comment ever, haha! But I had to add in here since I was there and now am on the other side. You’re a great mama, you can do this! <3
Courtney says
I SO appreciate this comment, Annette. Thank you!! Your honesty is refreshing AND encouraging! :)
Angela @ HonestlyAngela says
You pretty much just summed up what is going on inside my head while i am pregnant with baby #2.
I love my little girl so much it is hard to imagine another baby that could be just as special and perfect as her. She is so attached to me I am so nervous about how I will divide my time amongst my little family.
My mother in law said something to me awhile ago that has helped me a bit. Before i got pregnant I mentioned that I was nervous to have a second because I loved my first so much and I didnt want to choose favorites. She said that you love all your kids equally, just differently. A mom has a unique and special love for each of her little ones :)