I can’t believe it’s been a month since I last published a post on here.
That’s not to say that I haven’t been writing. Or rather, attempting to write. I’ve come on here at least half a dozen times, trying to gather my thoughts into some sort of coherent message. But every time, my feelings and frustrations wind up getting the best of me, I come up short, and just delete it.
So I’m giving it another go today and we’ll see how this works.
This past month has been tough, just like the month before it was. And the month before that. But it has also come with its high notes, and that’s what I’ll try focus on here in a second. I’ll also mention that I am very much aware of the fact that, despite everything that is going on, we are incredibly fortunate right now to still be working and have our health.
In some ways, there are certain things that are getting easier. Like, for example, I can usually get through reading the daily emails from Lucas’s teacher without crying now. I’ve come a long way with that since March.
Alex has also come so far with his numbers and (some of) his letters since we’ve been home. Seeing him make progress and get so excited about it just melts my heart.
We’ve also gotten ourselves into somewhat of a nice, little quarantine routine over here, and I can’t say that I hate it. Start with an early morning workout, usually with my neighbor Tal, shower/try to get ready for the day before the kids are up, get everyone dressed, head downstairs for breakfast, get started on work and schoolwork. Work gets done, and we play outside for as long as possible. Some days it works great, and other days it’s nothing short of a disaster, with my last nerves feeling like they’ve been torn to shreds. The ebb and flow of quarantine, I suppose?
On the other hand, I’m losing my mind. And not just because of the virus, but because of everything else that has come with it. For example, I’m like ‘this close’ to taking Facebook off of my phone because not only do I get super envious seeing other states open and people able to actually DO things, but I am just completely blown away by the lack of class and the inability of so many people to have civil conversations anymore. The crap that fills my social media on a daily basis is just outrageous, and it’s honestly just so sad to see how quick people are to judge these days.
Ugh. See? There I go, and this is typically where I wind up having to stop writing because I just want to go on a full out rant. BUT, because that’s not what this space is about, and we could all use some more positivity, I suppose I’ll leave all that for Jay. ; )
SO, like I mentioned before, let me scroll through my phone for some photo memories and let’s focus on some positives that I can try and pull from this past month!
We brought the boys out for a little hike at the beginning of the month, and it was such a great experience for all of us.
I am definitely not what you’d call “outdoorsy” or “one with nature,” but a short little (almost) 2 mile hike on a beautiful day did wonders for my soul that day.
Probably didn’t hurt that we also followed up that hike with a trip for some sweet treats from Baking You Crazy right after (<– for the locals, TRY them!!!).
There was also the most amazing, surprise parade for Lucas’s teacher. She had absolutely no idea it was coming, and almost the entire class showed up. Totally made me cry. Shocker.
I started and finished Jessica Simpson’s Open Book and thought it was great. I always loved her back in the ‘Newlywed’ show days.
We had a really nice Mother’s Day! The boys showered me with homemade crafts, and Jay cooked me a delicious breakfast, complete with my request for a buttery, sugary coffee cake.
We also visited with my parents that day, which (I believe?) was the first time we had gone over there since all of this went down. It was so nice to be able to celebrate with my mama. <3
The weather also finally got it’s act together (after a lovely, early May snowfall) and we’ve been enjoying as much time as possible outdoors. Even including schoolwork and my work out there, when possible.
We’ve enjoyed al fresco dinners, s’mores, ice cream, and plenty of pops.
And this past Memorial Day, we had a great afternoon at my parents’ pool.
The water is still a little chilly for the adults, but Luke and Alex managed to make it to be the first ones in for the season. Combined with some great BBQ food, it was a great day.
Not only that, but we also, FINALLY, had the chance to officially celebrate the engagement of my brother and his (now fiance) Carissa!
Our clan of four was asked to be a part of the bridal party (yay!), and let me tell you how freakin’ excited I am to see those boys of mine in their little tuxes.
Gahhh! So excited for November 2021! <3
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Well, I truly hope that it won’t be another 4 weeks before I come back to this space(!), but until then, I hope you all have a fabulous Friday and a wonderful weekend ahead, whatever your big plans may be.
Krystan says
Girl, I feel you! I also try to focus on being grateful for the fact that we also have kept our jobs. BUT I have been stuck at home with three kids under 6 for almost three months now, two of those I had to distance teach for. So. Many. Tears. I am SO frustrated with Facebook, I feel like every post is negative. At least Instagram still has joy within it, but I have felt the negatively out of Facebook for years.
I also appreciate that Indiana has begun to open a bit, I feel for you still being shut down. I am needing so badly to take my kids to a playground to play and when I realize that stastically only 0.5% of our population has even gotten this virus and 0.01% outside of nursing homes have died from it, I get so frustrated that I can’t take my children to do a simple thing like get out in the sun and climb. I realized yesterday that they have a higher risk of dying in a car accident or choking on food. I am 100% for people feeling safe, but I am very ready to decide what that looks like for my particular family. I can’t even watch the news anymore. I feel like my eyes have been open to the corruption, deception, and manipulation of our government and our media. And it’s slowly breaking my heart.
And there is my rant 🙄. I so appreciate you sharing because I know that SOOO many of us are feeling this way. It is nice to know I am not alone in all those feelings….
Kate says
Yikes Krystan. Nice reaction to those that have passed. I hope when I’m old I have someone with a bit more empathy looking out for me instead of your stats that entirely ignore that subset of the population. But hey, who cares about our social responsibility as a whole, right? All that matter is ourselves?
Jenni says
Courtney, your mom!!! She is almost unrecognizable but she looks great!
Katie says
I’ve missed your posts!! This is definitely a tough time and I think it’s okay to be angry and scared. It’s a good thing to sit with those feelings and be real with ourselves and not try to act like things are okay when they aren’t. Please know you are not alone. My husband and I are grateful for our health and the fact that we still have jobs working from home. I can’t imagine how hard it is for people out of work. It breaks my heart and I wish I could help more. Hang in there – we will all get through this, especially if we stick together. :) <3
On a side note, I'm so glad someone else is not really an outdoorsy or one with nature person! :)
Blair says
This pandemic is crazy. My parents live nearer to you than me, I live in the suburbs of DC and things are the same here. We are still on full on lock down mode and it does something to your mind. Praying you all make it through relatively unscathed. The whole working, teaching, doing all the same things day in and day out is incredibly exhausting emotionally and mentally. I am also fighting off a premature labor/birth currently. I was hoping this would be “over” prior to birth but it doesn’t look like that is going to happen, adds another level of anxiety on top.
michelle says
Your mom looks amazing!
Also where did you get those sunglasses? Love them!
Courtney says
Thanks, they’re from Target :)
Jen says
So happy to see your post pop up!!!! It has been a very trying time. I am very grateful for my health and still being able to work even though at home. It has been rough. The social media and news media doesn’t help. I just scroll through the negative stuff and try not to watch the news. I do not like drama or negativity. You have to do what makes you happy and if that’s ignoring certain things so be it. On a better note thanks for posting (missed you). I was wondering about her book. It’s on my list to read. Have a great weekend.
Andie says
Your mom looks incredible! Congratulations to your brother. :) That pic of Alex is hilarious. Lol. Glad to see your blog popping up on my feed this morning. We’re in this together. :)
Cindy R says
I cannot believe how negative comments between friends/family has gotten on certain Facebook posts, ie, policial/racial. It is as if people are taking out their corona virus frustrations out on others. I am in New Mexico and the state has slowly been phasing in openings. I went to the grocery this past Sunday and next door is a Ross Dress for Less. There must have been 60 people lined up waiting to get in. I can’t imagine what they needed so desperately that they waited in the hot sun to enter Ross.
Janelle says
I couldn’t agree more with your post, especially being down the I-90 from you in WNY. Yes, I am grateful for our health, and the fact that my husband and I both have our jobs… but I just cannot wrap my head around how long the government expects that we can sustain working from home while parenting and making sure our children do school. Like some others, I have been alone with 2 kids every day as my husband works in a hospital. It is exhausting, more so mentally and emotionally more than anything else. The school thing is what brings me to tears more than anything. My first grader’s last day of school will be saying goodbye to her teachers and classmates in a Zoom meeting. She has having a hard time understanding that when she does go back to school, she will be in 2nd grade with a new class and teacher. Finally, the uncertainty of what comes next for school is so hard to think about. All of that being said, when me and my kids do eventually go our separate ways day to day again, I will miss this! I have gotten to spend more time with them than I ever would have otherwise! From a fellow NY-er, positive thoughts toward continued reopening!
Kimberly says
I wish I could give you a big hug. This is such an unprecedented time. But we will get through this! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
Mary Burns says
I agree with your post so much! This has been incredibly tough. Navigating the online learning, my daughter just finished kindergarten this week. I’m in Texas, where the restrictions are being loosened, but we’re waiting and taking it slow, still doing the take-out, online shopping thing for a while. It’s so hard to know how soon is too soon.
Add on to that loosing my father last Friday. He was in another state with strict restrictions, so I won’t be able to make it there.
I haven’t been on social media in years, it always made me unhappy, no reason to be on something if it doesn’t give me joy. I just keep up with the people I care about via text, phone and email.
It’s been hard remembering to find the joy in the little things, but that’s what I have been trying to do. Sending happy vibes for a lovely weekend!
Jeanne says
Thanks for posting- it’s funny, I follow you weekly and know when you’re struggling because you don’t post. I’m with you- these times are hard and I feel you’re struggle- I’m similar, 3 kids that I’m trying to “homeschool” with some resources from our district in MI, and trying to keep up on my very full time job. There have been so many ups and downs through all of it- Thanks for sharing your journey it really does make me feel like I’m not alone 😊
Katie says
I took the Facebook app off my phone. I can still get it from the browser, but I hardly ever look at it. Best decision I’ve ever made for my mental health. Hang in there!
Jill says
Missed you Courtney, I always love to see your posts! Times are tough, and I think everyone has felt a dose of anxiety from all of this, but you are doing a amazing job and I always enjoy seeing you in this little corner!
meredith says
All the feels here too…You are def not alone in that!
Also, how the heck do you get Lucas to write so neatly?!!!
Kathy R says
Okay – I am behind on my blog reading – but that card asking you to be a bridesmaid is almost exactly my daughter’s wedding invitation! For this July – which has now been postponed until next July! But it’s the same!
Jen says
I have to say your lack of response as of late to the racial injustices that are occurring in this country are telling, especially given your tone deaf post a few months ago. I’ll no longer be following your blog or your Instagram. The fact you posted this on Friday to say how hard your life is is just insulting and it’s clear where you stand. And yes I saw your one measly insta story about it – not good enough. Wake up.
Courtney says
Hi, Jen. I’ve thought a lot today about how to respond to your comment, just as I’ve been thinking about a lot of other things this past week. I don’t know whether or not my response here is really going to matter to you, but I figured I’ll still go ahead and share my thoughts since you’ve called me out. First, I’ll say that public social media posts are not the only way for people to process their feelings. We all naturally deal with things in different ways, and while some are quick to voice those feelings and opinions loud and proud, others take some time to really sit back and reflect before taking action.
I think we can all agree that the overall goal here is change, right? Whether that’s educating others, protesting, or self-reflection, there’s really no “correct” reaction. And for me, simply sharing a quick and easy social media post did not feel authentic or meaningful. That may be an unpopular opinion, I get that. But rather than worrying about what my followers think of what I’m doing (or not doing), I instead, decided to focus on what I can do within the four walls of my home. I’m having the hard conversations with myself, with family, and friends. I’m talking to the boys. I researched and found some really great books to order and intend to share with them, too. I’m reading, and learning, and reflecting more than I ever have before. And I know I still have so much more to learn. Some people will say this is right, and some will say it’s wrong, or not enough. But please, don’t assume that you know where I stand just because I haven’t published it in an Instagram or blog post.
That said, as I’ve immersed myself into learning more this past week, I have started to see/understand why people are saying that this isn’t enough for systemic change, and I respect that. I appreciate when others are willing to have these conversations with compassion, rather than shame, and I will continue to educate myself on how to better be a part of the change that we so desperately need.
Katie says
Well said and a very tactful response! :)
Mary Burns says
Very well said.
Kimberly says
Well said, Courtney.
Shashashaqueefa says
We miss you Courntey! Hope you’re doing well! ❤️