So my original plan for today’s post was to come and share some of the few, fun highlights I captured from our weekend.
Like watching Lucas at his pumpkin race on Friday afternoon and seeing him come in 2nd place for his grade.
Man, I am so, SO proud of this little dude!
Or starting Saturday morning off nice and early with some cold weather soccer.
And then following that up with some breakfast because we had just enough time to grab a bite to eat before Lucas’s game later in the morning.
The omelette, unfortunately, was a bit too greasy and salty for my liking, but the toast and home fries were LEGIT.
Jay and I also got out on Saturday evening for a bit to celebrate the birthday of our neighbor, Stef!
I got to thoroughly enjoy some Octoberfests while chatting with friends, which is always fun.
I also managed to make a solo trip to the mall on Sunday while Lucas was at a friend’s house, and I grabbed a few things from Old Navy, including this camo tee that was on sale for only $5.00(!).
My friends Tal and Ashley have been trying to get me to hop on board the camo train, so I think they were proud.
But I’m gonna be totally honest with you guys. I’ve been dealing with a little bout of anxiety the past couple of days and it’s hitting me hard.
Truth be told, I’ve come to realize over the past year that anxiety is something I’ve dealt with mildly since I was a child; it was mostly tied to separation, big changes, or fear of the unknown. I guess I just never really knew it, or could “label it” at the time. And it never was (or is) anything that became debilitating, or something I would deem even remotely close to “severe,” but who am I to try and label it at all? I know that there are others out there who suffer from anxiety far beyond anything I could ever fathom, but then again, there’s that whole “their (anxiety/grief/enter whatever you could compare here) is better/worse than my (anxiety/grief/enter whatever you could compare here)” and let’s agree that it all sucks, regardless.
Look, now I’m even getting anxious talking about…being anxious. The irony!
My anxious feelings have come and gone, but after having kids is when they really made their presence known. There have been times where I’ve shared things on the blog over the years when some of those feelings were more obvious, and I’d occasionally get the gentle push from readers who recognized it and recommended that maybe I go and talk to someone about it.
And I actually did. I started seeing a therapist at the beginning of 2019, and she was really great. But then I discovered she wasn’t covered by my insurance and I just didn’t have an extra $100 to shill out every other week, so I stopped going. I had a pretty easy-going summer, so I never bothered to try and look into finding someone else, but having the kids back in school has stirred some stuff back up again. So we’ll see what happens from here on out.
My mom always told me that you never stop worrying about your kids, no matter how big they are. And even though I’m only 6 years into the parenting gig, it’s not hard to see the truth in that. If I’m not worrying about their health, I’m worrying about their future, their well-being, or their happiness/sadness. Big worries, little worries…as parents, we’re always going to worry. Unfortunately for me, sometimes mine just take on a little too much of my mental capacity, and that pit in my stomach lingers around a whole lot longer than I’d like it to!
Now I’m thinking that it may have been wise for me to wait and talk about all of this during a time when I’m NOT feeling so anxious about something, buuuuttt apparently today is the day I feel compelled to talk about it, so here it is.
Hey, we’ve all got our crap that we deal with, right? Well, here’s hoping whatever yours is, is smooth sailing this week. ; )