I’ll preface this post by saying that I just sat down from putting two very needy and slightly grumpy boys to bed, so my emotions are likely getting the best of me here.
BUT, I’d been trying to think of something to sit and write and share with you all, so here’s what I’ve got.
I don’t know what it is, but lately, I have been putting so much more self-imposed pressure on myself about motherhood, and it’s really driving me batty. Almost every night, as I’m attempting to wind down from whatever shenanigans that particular day brought, I find myself (as I’m sure many of you do) mindlessly scrolling through Facebook or Instagram.
And there is picture after picture of families having a blast, parents bringing their kiddos to fabulous and fun outings, perfectly sleeping babies…you name it.
I mean, I really feel silly even typing this because I know how this goes.
I know social media is the highlight reel of everyone’s life.
I KNOW that what we all see (and share, for that matter) is not always the full picture.
But here I am, STILL feeling like I must be doing something wrong…
Or maybe I just have very challenging boys…
Or maybe I still just have no idea how to parent these precious little boys of mine?!
The other day, I was actually asked by someone if Jay and I are ever going to try for a third child.
I almost choked on my water because, while the thought of another tiny human that WE created could be walking on this earth is something that will forever excite me, the reality of it is…I really just don’t think we could do it. Our sanity…our marriage…our finances. I can’t even fathom how that would look?!
I see so many families of three (or more) children easily (<– again, I get it…all relative and just what we’re seeing) navigating life and (seemingly) doing it well. And then there are other families happily getting ready to welcome a third (or fourth) little one.
And I’m over here just trying to throw together anything I can find in my fridge to feed them for dinner, with one crying and attached to my leg, while the other one has jumped off the back of the couch for the umpteenth time while simultaneously yelling back at me after me asking him not to like…HOW?
How the heck do they (or you!) do it and make it look so easy? Or better yet, how do they stay sane? What are their secrets? Are their kids just super chill and well-behaved? Are these parents just way more relaxed than me? Are my kids just really spirited and overly attached to their mom in a serious way, to the point where I feel like I can’t be stretched any thinner?
As you can see, the wheels have been spinnin’ up there.
All of this to say, I know this post is a bit random. And it may even come across as whiny and obnoxious to some (how dare I be ungrateful for all that I have?!). And trust me…I am far from ungrateful, and I think you all know that.
But I had some feelings I wanted to write, so I wrote ’em. And I realize I may (probably) look back on this post next week and be like, “Sheeesh, Courtney…what were you thinking?” Heck, if both boys actually sit and eat dinner nicely tonight without any yelling from anyone, I may be ready to throw these momentary feelings of self-doubt right out the window.
But these are the raw moments that I know I like to hear about.
The moments that aren’t perfect. The ones that remind me that we all stumble, and struggle, and question our abilities. We all have days that make us question if we’re doing anything right, or wonder what we can be doing to be better.
Parenthood is tough ‘ish. And even though I’ve been feeling like I’m the only one struggling lately while everyone else is rockin’ it, I know that’s ridiculously far from the truth.
Right? Right.
I am right there with it mama! My boys are 6 and alnsit 2 and I’ve finally started to realize that they are actually harder than most kids (I teach elementary school so I feel comfortable saying this as I see a large scope of kids). Yeah yeah I know all kids have their moments but the crazy in my house (especially if I’m trying to make dinner) is beyond the norm.
While I couldn’t love them more and I’m thankful they are my crazy, it is exhausting most days. I’m with you!
Thank you for this. I too struggle with how perfect and easy FB and IG makes things look for others. Mine are 5 and 3.5 (16 mos apart) and fight with each other NONSTOP. I often lose my patience and it’s really taking a toll on my marriage. Not sure I have any words of wisdom other than to say you’re not alone and thank you for keeping things real! Hang in there momma!
You are so right! I have one. He’s seven. I can’t even imaging two. I admire you for what you can do. It’s all relative and you are doing great even when it doesn’t feel like it. Thank you for sharing this. I really needed it. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in the “I really feel like I suck at life” camp. Now let’s pat each other on the back and move on. We’ve got this sister!
I have one and still feel this way! There have been so many times I’ve glanced at the lives of other parents via social media and thought, “Why isn’t it that easy for me?” Like you, I also know the comparison trap is a waste of time, but it is such a challenge to avoid. Part of my issue has been parenting a child with such an opposite personality from my own. I’ve never been temperamental or ‘spirited’, so it’s been a learning curve! Hang in there, Mama! As the saying goes, “The days are long but the years are short.”
Two kids was SO HARD. To go from having a great routine and schedule with your one and adjusting to never feeling like you have enough time or hands or patience with two threw me for a loop.
My third baby is now 8 months, and it’s tough, yes. We felt like our house was already chaotic so why not throw a third in the mix. Still, there are moments when my husband and I look at each other like “what have we done?” But he is our most chill baby, and the moments where we’re enjoying life as a family of 5 far outweight the temporary chaos.
Also, dinner time is THE WORST. Solidarity, mama!
Thanks for being so honest! I only have one and he is such a challenge that I have to stop myself from laughing in the face of those who ask when we are having a second kid! I work full time and my husband has a non-traditional job where nights and weekend days and nights of work are common. Coming home from a stressful day of work and I am alone to do everything with little breaks and my family does not live in the area. Thanks for letting me vent. You are not alone!
I’m with you! Thankfully my in laws are living with us temporarily (waiting for their house to be built) and my mom lives down the street. But throw in an hour commute to work each way and a husband that gets home at 8:30 or later… by the time I’m done with feeding the baby and 2 dogs, showering, and washing/prepping pump and bottles, most days I just want to have cereal (or wine) for dinner.
This. Exactly this. We have one 3 year old, I work full-time and my husband works late nights, holidays, weekends, etc.. My family is out of state, and his family is helpful but not reliable. Raising a child is the hardest, most rewarding thing I have ever done, and while I would love another one, I get overwhelmed just thinking about starting over.
This post is exactly why you are my favorite blogger. You keep it honest and real, and put words to the struggles that ALL mother’s go through. Thank you for that.
Oh Courtney… my feelings exactly. I have had those feelings lately, especially with my 7 month old who just won’t let me put him down and I feel bad about ignoring the toddler. And then they are both on me, and I can’t get anything done. But, you’re raising incredible boys and if you’re this worried about them, then that means you are a great mom. But, I’m with you on kid #3 ;)
You definitely aren’t alone. Last winter, my daughter went through a phase where she was nonstop sick with something for a month straight. And, if she didn’t have something, one of us did. Winter is my hardest time of year anyway, so I was super discouraged. My mom Yoda friend wisely reminded me – “It’s a rough patch. Of course you feel down. It’ll get better.” And, sure enough, she got better, we got better, and the weather got better! Then, we had our 2nd kid (they’re 16 months apart). So far, it’s been really good. But I’m transitioning back to work and, I swear, most days, I literally don’t think I’ll make it to bedtime. And we’re lucky – my husband is on parental leave, so he takes the night shift with our little one, and my boss is letting me telework a fair amount. I just keep reminding myself that this is just a rough patch. When the temperatures rise again in a couple of months, and the sun stays up longer, I’ll at least feel like I have a little more time every day. Keep going. You’re doing great.
You are a wonderful mom!! I don’t believe it’s easy for anyone. Motherhood is taxing and often a thankless task. What has helped me adjust to each new stage is managing my expectations. For example, I saw you mention something about if your boys would just sit down and eat dinner. Hailey (age SIX) really just got the hang of this recently so even though I must say “sit your bottom in your chair” at least a handful of times during dinner, I don’t have any real expectations of Kaitlyn (3) abiding strictly to this anytime soon.
My saving grace during the tough phases is laughter. There have been so many times David and I just look at each other, roll our eyes, and laugh. Because there isn’t anything else to do when one child is melting down and the other is running around naked. I try to embrace the chaos and laugh my way through while I keep the expectation bar as low as I can.
I don’t mean to leave you a novel, but just wanted to send you a virtual hug and let you know you are doing a wonderful job!! And, pass along my favorite parenting mantra– it only gets easier :)
While I whole heartedly appreciate your perspective Brittany (long time reader), I’ve lived the experience that kids are soooo different. There is always a time and place for humor, but the reality is that some kids are actually harder than others and I think recognizing that is important to moms (and dads) in self -care.
I agree with this sentiment.
I am also a long time reader Brittany and often marvel (and become envious) at how “easy” your kids are. You seem to just set a rule and it’s followed (eg. Your recent post on sleep was difficult to swallow. It doesn’t acknowledge at all that you may just have children who need more sleep and don’t have as high levels of energy as other kids. My kids are up at 6am everyday despite a 7pm bedtime and no daytime nap, and attempts at keeping them in their rooms for even 5mins after they’ve woken for the day just result in tears and hysterics. It sounds like you can tell your kids something and they just do it!).
Sometimes it is not the way you parent but the nature of your children that determines how “easy” the parenting journey is. I think acknowledging that rather than giving/reading blogger advice that indirectly suggests that good and firm parenting will get you good behaviour, would really help the rest of us out there who ARE firm and strict but are faced with challenge after challenge during our day.
I’m right there with you! I have two boys (almost 3 and 6.5) and they fight all the time! I see other siblings playing so nicely together and wonder why mine can’t do that? They are wonderful little boys but can make me want to pull my hair out sometimes. I planned a family day at a local children’s museum the other week and when there was crying before we even left the house I actually said “this is a fun day, no crying allowed!” 😂
You got this mom!
You’re not alone! You’re such an honest and relateable blogger. If you believe that other moms have it together, they have fooled you! I hope you have some mom friends IRL who are willing to share their mess and struggle with you over coffee (or something stronger!) It’s so good to be vulnerable and open about this motherhood journey that is SO exhausting but has those worthwhile vivid moments of beauty. I am also pondering a third and I CANNOT imagine it right now with a 2/4 year olds so I’m trying to shelve the idea for a year from now and aww how I feel then. You have all our support!!🌷
I feel like I could have written this. My sanity is the main reason I would not have another child. These kids give me a run for my money! Mason and Owen are 5.5 and 2.5 now and I didn’t know it was possible to fight this early!
You are not the only one! I think we all feel that way at times, I know I do!
If nothing else, remember this–those boys are perfect for YOU, and YOU are the perfect mom for them. Everything you are doing is EXACTLY what you should be doing. Being Mama is never an easy job! My boys are 12, 14, and 17 and I still question myself everyday. While it is so hard with the perfectly painted pictures on social media, know that everyone else is going through very similar situations! No one wants to post that they screamed at their 3 boys when they wouldn’t quit fighting and was later relieved that it’s winter, the windows were closed, and nobody heard…just saying ;) You’re doing a great job! Don’t discount yourself or sell yourself short!!!
This is a great and honest post. We have one son, who is 3, and I’m pretty sure I may never make it through a single day with second-guessing whether we are doing things right. He is challenging, exhausting, frustrating, wonderful, silly and fun all wrapped in to one tiny package.
I’m pretty sure everyone feels this way at times, but people just don’t really talk about it. I’ve recently thought about needing to take a step back from social media because like you said, we all just share the good stuff and that’s what tends to make me feel like maybe we don’t have it together, even though I know that’s not the case. Comparisons like that won’t get us anywhere. I like the comment above about “adjusting expectations”.
Thank you for being so honest and relatable. We are all in it together girlfriend!
Right!!! I do the exact same thing. Honestly, your thoughts mirror mine almost perfectly. And I KNOW that social media is a highlight reel, too. That behind that glowing picture of the family of 5 out enjoying a snowy day there were probably tears, and yelling and sighing and frustrating moments struggling to get kids into their winter gear while they threw a tantrum … right??? I know my kids can’t be the only ones that do that! But, it seems like we have to compare ourselves and I have such a hard time not doing that. I think, “Why does my kid back talk?” and I follow that up with “Well, you aren’t parenting her correctly, maybe you should buy yet ANOTHER book to read about it”. Or, then I constantly analyze how we spend our time … do they have too much screen time? do I read to them enough? do I play with them enough? if I stop to play, will I have time to cook a nice, healthy dinner? did they get outside enough today? …. it’s constant! So, if you find a way to make these thoughts stop, please share! Haha. And in the meantime, know that you are DEFINITELY not alone and it’s so nice to read these raw, honest posts to know I am not alone either!
Courtney, I have been reading your blog for sometime and I can completely relate. Our children are almost the exact same age… One born the end of July 2013 and our second in May of 2016. Our two boys are incredibly tough with our older one sounding just like Lucas – ours is Luca! Something about the name? Our younger guy is so attached and needy after daycare and making and serving dinner is quite possibly the most insane thing in our house. In addition to that, the day in and day out tasks are so hard as well with both of them for many reasons. I don’t have an answer b/c I am in the thick of it now, but one thing I have promised myself is to do something daily for me. I feel like I need it to save my sanity. I have started yoga, one night a week, away from the house and it has helped tremendously. I do other exercise on other days in the home (treadmill and videos), but this one night out for me…it’s just one hour, is a live saver. If you can swing it, I definitely recommend finding something you love and getting out there even if it’s just for an hour. Cheers to being real. You’re amazing and I hear it DOES get better. :)
You are not alone!!!
I have two (daughter about 3 and son 7 months) and I swear the toddler/threenager years are getting the best of me. While my daughter is hilarious and we have so, so many wonderful moments she is extremely strong-willed, spirited and passionate. I have no doubt one day she will move mountains but it makes for some incredibly exhausting nights. It’s also hard and I try not to compare but I have friends with kids who personalities are just different – they are more mellow or flexible and that’s just not my first born. And my second is so sweet and loving but wants me to hold him from the second I walk in the door until we go to sleep. Add in nursing him and I literally feel like I don’t have a second alone where I’m not being touched.
Working, being a wife, friend, mother, etc. is SO much to do at once and ultimately I’ve realized you can’t do it all – at least not all every day – and that’s OK!!! I’ve also realized that lately my patience has worn thin and I’m not being the best version of the mother I want to be (and how I deep down feel I am) and I think that’s a reminder / alarm bell that we need to take some time away for ourselves. Whether it’s a quick week night dinner with friends, a LONG stroll around target alone, a date with the husband, etc. because I think that helps bring us out from being consumed if that makes sense.
Long answer to say – truly you’re not alone and I think it’s far more common than people let on. Xoxo
Hang in there! If it makes you feel any better, I saw your picture about an “at home date night” that you guys had after your kiddos went to bed and I thought…I should do that more often with my husband instead of going to bed with the kids! 😊 So our ideas of “who has it all together” is completely relative and unique.
I love your blog because I think you are one of the ones that keep it real..so know that many moms have your same thoughts.
Oh, girl, I could write a novel here, but instead I’ll just say a resounding ME TOO. I have 2 boys as well (2.5 years and 7 months) and DEAR GOD every day I feel like I’m just scrambling and scraping by. The older one is the sassiest, most stubborn little guy who loooooves to argue lol. The little one is just now starting to need much more attention and gets very unhappy when I leave the room for a second. So, yessssss I so feel you and have had every single thought you expressed in this post. Solidarity mama!
I feel exactly like this on some days and I just have one toddler. Everyone keeps asking when we will have another (including my husband) and on those days when my son is being a terror and people ask me that, I’m just over here like, “Whaaat?!? You’re crazy, pass the wine”. I can’t imagine doing it with two — you are doing great!!
This reminds me of a conversation I had with my husband a couple years ago. My kids were 6 months, 3 and 4.5. My oldest was in afternoon 4k . After one particularly tough morning I got to drop off and heard all these moms talking about their hobbies, vacations, what time and how long their kids sleep, etc. Not only that, but they were talking in full sentences! After being a sahm, I couldn’t even talk to adult anymore.
Anyhow, that night I started crying to my husband about how incapable I am and how everyone else knows what they re doing and has such easy children. I told him about all the extra meltdowns we’d had that morning, how much longer than usual meals took, how I’d only slept 3 hours the night before, blah blah blah. He asks, “how did drop off go? Were you on time? Was everyone prepared? Did they behave there?”. Yes, actually drop off was the only part of the day that went OK. Even my crazy 3 year old always behaves for drop off. So then he asks, ” how do you think that looks to other moms? You are always on time, everyone is dressed in clean clothes, the kids are well behaved…. They probably wonder how this mom with 3 young kids can pull this off every day!”. I was shocked! No, we are a mess! We are always crying, it is one issue after another, I’m exhausted, I’m clueless! He says, ” yes, and they are too. But just like you, they don’t show it.”.
So after that, I’ve tried to remember that sometimes even I make it look easy (it never is) and chances are all those other moms feel just as incapable as me at times. We just see a sliver of other people’s lives!
Just wanted to let you know that (like these other moms in the comments), I’m there too! My girls are 7 and 5 and there are most days where I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. As the boys get older, it really does get easier. Both of my girls are in full time school (2nd grade and pre-K) and they go off and have friends and come home and tell me about it and its great! They can put on their own coats and shoes and my 7 year old is teaching herself how to pack her own lunch! (woohoo!!!) So you will get a break from the constant care aspects (but now they fight with each other almost constantly so there’s that). Hang in there. You’re caring for your kids and your family so that means you’re doing it right :)
I really look to you with admiration! I only have one, she’s 2.5, but have another on the oven. I have stopped following most bloggers who’s lives I just can’t relate to. Your posts are so honest and reflect reality that I enjoy reading every one of your posts and come away feeling inspired by you. I had to give up Facebook and Instagram as I found it was detracting from my happiness. Life is so much more beautiful when you’re not comparing yourself to others (especially strangers only showing the good parts). Keep doing what your doing Courtney! You are touching lives in a positive way :)
Oh, Courtney, it’s not as easy as “they” make it look. Most of the photos you share paint a rosy life. Of course, because you might not care to be reminded of that fit later. You live with your boys, you know what they’re really like, but do they generally behave in public? Do their teachers/caretakers report how well they did? Kids know. They know they can be themselves at home. They will test you, and if you are a good parent, it will drive you crazy. You must be a good parent. 👍🏼
Thank you for being so real and relatable. It’s my first year as a mom, and it has been so tough. I don’t think people talk enough about how much of a strain it is on a marriage when the mother is trying to feel back to normal, lose the baby weight, and have some consistency with her schedule. There’s not enough emphasis on how much our relationships change.
So, my almost 4 year old watches far too much IPAD- I mean hours a day. My 19 month old cries for much of the day for no reason other than being tired because she gets up at 3:30-4am every day and wont go back untess we are downstairs on the sofa snuggling. I don’t think I have made them a vegetable that they will eat more than twice in the last month. Dinner is mac n cheese, grilled cheese, sometimes even yogurt. Forget dinner for us- that is a frozen pizza or carryout. I clean the same things 10 times a day- different food gets thrown multiple times a day. My closets and anything you can’t see is a complete disaster. I can barely get them to Target, and so many people I see are doing all of these fun activities with their kids. Or crafts at home. I just cant figure it out!! I love my kids more than anything (I also have a teenager) but I honestly don’t know know people seem to do it so well. You are so not alone. I do think my 19 month old is definitely a challenge compared to how my other 2 were at that age. I thought to myself the other day- I was pregnant with her at the age my 19 month old is now. I could NEVER do that now. Ever. Hang in there. It is super hard, but as you know, very worth it. And nothing we do will scar them for life is the way I try to look at it!
CRAFTS!?!?!? I have never in my life said “you know what would be fun? to pull out a lot of tiny/messy things and let my toddlers play with them ON PURPOSE.” Our house is a no craft zone!
Amen sister. I feel that way all the time, especially when my husband is out of town and I am taking care of our two myself, they are 6 and 8. It does get easier as they get older, and more self-sufficient. I feel guilt because alot of the moms around me don’t work and I do or they are teachers and don’t work during the summer so they are all off galivanting around while I am stuck at my desk. Then I take a deep breath, remind myself why I work, and that I can’t compare my self to anyone else.
Thank you for sharing this- your blog is one of the only “healthy living” blogs I still follow because you are so real and I’m constantly nodding in agreement with you! I am a mom to a very spirited almost 5 year old girl and a very, very attached 1.5 year old “mama’s boy.” I also work a full time job and by the end of most nights I am so tired and mentally worn out it’s all I can do not pass out immediately after the kid’s bedtime. But I just keep plugging away, because despite how hard it is, I wouldn’t have it any other way. We try not to take things to seriously and remember that as crazy as they can be, our kids are so happy and loved and our family has so much fun, even if it isn’t picture perfect. Keep your head up, you are doing a phenomenal job!
While I’m not married with kids, I can certainly empathize with the social media comparison trap, and feeling like everyone else has their life together while mine is so not. It can be so hard sometimes. But you have a husband and two beautiful kids and a job and a blog and a business on the side! You are killin it! (Even if it doesn’t feel that way sometimes.)
YES! Thank you for this post. Definitely more happens every day than what happens to be documented by a quick iphone picture. Two kids is good for us too! I am in awe of those who have three or more. I think my personal organizational skills that are already stretched thin would explode! lol. Plus, we do look forward to a time when we can do more things together as a family as well as pursue our individual interests still too. I have a 5 and 2 (almost 3) year old boys and it’s an adventure everyday for sure!
Word 👏
Oh girl, i am right there with you. We have grilled cheese, quesadillas or pasta with sauce more times than I like to admit for dinner. With both parents working, managing a school schedule, daycare schedule, life, house, and the list goes on I think the most important thing is that kids are loved…clean…and fed SOMETHING :) You got this. and NO ONE is perfect!
Girl, you are not alone whatsoever! My boys test limits and argue all day, about every. damn. thing. I remind myself they will grow to be strong, independent thinkers!
And I have NO clue how I’m going to survive the summer with both boys out of school, a newborn and a potential cross-country move…
I am right there with you! My daughter is 2.5 and is very spirited. Her tantrums get so out of control that I wonder constantly if it’s how I’m raising her or how I’m reacting to her that makes her act that way. I go to bed almost every night wondering if I’m doing everything wrong and promising myself that tomorrow I will try to do better.We have another one on the way now and I often find myself wondering what the heck we were thinking and how I am going to manage two. I love being a mom, but it really is the hardest job in the world.
I think you’re doing a fantastic job! Girl, I’m over here with one 2.5 year-old boy thinking I would lose my mind with two! My son is the pickiest eater ever so dinner time is always a battle. He’s also very, um, strong-willed so that makes everything more, um, challenging. Since he was born, I work out maybe once every two months and there are toys strewn about everywhere pretty much all the time. LOL
I personally think people who post those perfect photos are just faking it too. We are ALL faking it until we make it.
Thank you for posting this! Mine are 3 and 1 and both very strong willed and extremely active. I almost laughed hysterically the other day when I heard a mom of two telling another mom pregnant with her second that second babies are always super chill. My 14 month old is pretty much permanently on my hip anytime I’m with her. They finally started playing together and all they do is fight! I adore them to pieces but oof, I don’t think more are in the cards, at least not anytime soon! Hang in there!
ARE YOU IN MY HEAD? This is me. All the time right now, especially because we’re at a stage of our life where I’m solo parenting during the week, most weeks. My temper is always on the edge. My patience is gone by 7am. I feel like I’m bad at my job, bad at motherhood and just bad as a person…not all the time, but more often than I’d like. This is a really hard thing we’re doing. But when I check on them at night, and see that they’re safe and happy (and quiet) I do feel more forgiving of myself. <3 I hope you're hanging in there!
PREACH. i only have one (11 mo) and would like another, but the thought of having to juggle 2 kids in the morning and get them out the door on time and get myself to work on time…makes my head spin.
when sh*ts hitting the fan or the baby’s being a PITA, i remember my new mantra – now is not forever. it won’t always been this chaotic (hopefully). and judging by how fast the first year of my son’s life has gone, i feel like we’ll get to an easier more independent stage sooner than later.
Can I just say how much I appreciate your blog in general, but especially posts like this! My second daughter is 9 months and having two kids and a full time job is HARD. It helps so much to read these comments and know that so many others are going through the same challenges – solidarity mamas!
I’m so far out from this stage of life, but reading this somehow still resonates even though it doesn’t directly relate. So many people live these seemingly perfect lives and even though in the back of my mind I know things aren’t perfect for them, it’s still so hard to not let those thoughts take over. I have no answer to help, but know that this post is so brave of you and I love your raw, honest thoughts. Know you’re making a difference for and resonating with people at completely different stages in life.
Give yourself some credit: You are doing AMAZING. You work fill-time, have Usborne Books and your blog on the side, and have to still find the energy to be a good wife. You just got done having your child in the hospital, and the holidays just ended *eye twitch*. Of course you’re feeling overwhelmed. <3
I feel like you need a whole day away, to yourself. I know you post about Girls' nights and etc, but I really hope you can finagle a way to take a whole day and just be YOU, alone. I think it would be really beneficial.
Hang in there.
Hang in there, Mama. It gets better…. My son turns 18 soon and my daughter 13 and yet I remember those early days so well. Cliche as it sounds… it goes wasaayyyyy too fast. Cherish EVERY moment…. even the crappy ones. You just have to make it ONE day at a time. The good news…. kids are resilient… they won’t remember all your grumpy moments. They will just remember the love and the time and the effort. My baby is going to college soon and everything is changing but… one thing is constant… the time and the love and the messes and the tears…. ALL of it has led us to this and EVERY bit of it was worth it. HANG ON… and if you feel ANY inkling for that 3 baby… do it. That is my one regret.. I was too overwhelmed and afraid we couldn’t do it. Now I realize we could have…. bittersweet.
You are NOT alone in those feelings and it does not make you ungrateful. Some days are just HARD. I’m having a similar week with both of mine – working full time is no joke while also raising kids, and having a healthy marriage, social life, family, home, etc. It’s hard to balance it all – I appreciate your honesty because it reminds us mothers on those tough days, we are not alone and we are all struggling to do it all. You’re crushing it – and try to remind yourself that on the tough days! Thank you for being so honest. My husband told me yesterday “take a day for you – no kids, no house stuff, no work, just you.” We all deserve it for a good reset :)
I am 30 and single with only a dog to take care of and I still feel this way sometimes too! And you have SO MUCH MORE on your plate. You rock, Mama! Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling without apology. Before I read that you included it, I was going to say the “highlight reel” analogy. It’s so true!!!
I’ve been a long time reader, but haven’t commented before. I can completely relate to your post, and, honestly, your inclusion of the more challenging parts of parenting has been refreshing and relatable. You’re still aspirational in the challenges, though, because the deep love you have for your children and the grace you bestow on them and yourself consistently shines through.
Hang in there momma! Children are so very different and what is hard and taxing as a parent to one person is the easy phase for another. My three (5, 3 and 1) are very calm children compared to my sisters 4 boys (8, 5,4 and 1). Her house is like a constant WWE and I always ask her how she manages it, I think I’d go insane, however I have no fear taking my three anywhere. Funny right?!? I am praying my children stay calm and easy going through their teen years but I am sure we will have some bumps in the road along the way. Just know, you are not alone, all phases end and new ones begin and one day you will miss those tiny little arms wrapped around your leg and the noise … It all works itself out in the wash as my grandma used to say!
Thank you for this! I have commented before on how your boys often remind me of mine (mine are 3.5 and 21 months, with #3 due in 5 weeks!). I will offer a few things: 1) yes, some kids are just easier! I have friends who find it noteworthy when their toddler cries or pitches a fit, and I’m like, um – doesn’t that happen once an hour at your house like it does mine? 2) Maybe other people ARE more laid back – but that’s not necessarily a good thing (diff’rent strokes for diff’rent folks) and 3) I have to say that I think the struggle to constantly do better can make us feel like we’re never doing enough – because face it, there are ALWAYS things we can do better, but its just impossible to do it all. So on the days that I feel like I worked too much, left them in daycare too long, yelled too often, fed them crap for dinner, and put them to bed late (kicking and screaming) without bathing them (again) – i just try to remember that THEY ARE FINE. They are loved, they are cared for, they KNOW they have a safe place and a family and nothing to worry about. OK, so maybe that was a pep talk to myself.
By the way, I know blogging is less frequent for you now, but posts like this are worth it. Keep doing what you’re doing – it is so completely reassuring to hear from another mom in the trenches. YOU ARE DOING GREAT!
I have two children, daughter age 5 (will be 6 in August) and son almost 3 (next month). So about a year older than yours. I will say that I think when my son was 1-2 was the absolute hardest time so far to manage both kids. I feel like it has gotten much easier as my son has approached 3 and my daughter has been 5. All that to say, hang in there – hopefully you’ll have a similar experience to me and easier times are on the horizon.
You are not alone! I have a three year old and am pregnant with our second. We debated trying for another for a LONG time and even still I am so scared about having two to care for (I almost said deal with lol). It’s hard, you and your husband both work (us too) and kids are in care during the day. I get home no earlier than 6 with my daughter each day, and while she just wants me to play/give attention, all I see is dinner needs done, dishes in the sink, many times laundry needs attention and I spend the dinner prep time racing around the house. Meanwhile I feel like I am neglecting key time with my daughter. My husband gets home right about the time we sit down to eat, which means he misses the chaos. How will I add an infant to the mix?
I am so thankful that you continue to write your blog with honesty. Giving insight into two working parents and how your life flows (or doesn’t lol). It’s refreshing when so much of what is reflected in the blog world shows the mom staying at home (which is fine, but not what I know).
You are not alone! Hugs to you.
Mom of two little boys also and you are spot on as always mamma! This. is. hard. Great post, you are not alone. I have thought every single thing you wrote. “why are my boys like this, we weren’t like this as kids, are they just tough?” Crying, hitting, waking up early, schlepping 2 kids to daycare and dealing with major mom guilt, mom body stuff, having to be the type A monster that keeps all the wheels turning, marriage doing a full on 180 from what it was pre kids….. this is a tough time but as you know, its also amazing, Try to find those MOMents and hang on tight!!!
THANK YOU for saying this out loud. I feel it every day and I only have one sweet and spirited little girl who is 19 months old. My next question – is how do these people always seem to have someone right there to take their picture looking all perfect? I consider it a success when we have everything together (rarely) but we never have someone right there to take a picture much less get it done in no less than 15 tries. How do they do it?! hahaha!
I think I’d rather spend the half hour having fun with my husband and little girl on our cattle ranch in the middle of nowhere- than trying to get the perfect picture! Just have to remind myself of that daily!
Thank you for being REAL.
From someone who was not blessed with children, please know that all of you are admired and prayed for everyday by me! It can not be easy and the fact that you parents do ALL that you do EVERY DAY—-is incredible to me! Keep fighting the good fight and echoing others….we all know social media is only the “good” stuff. Keep smiling!
How about this for some good news – it doesn’t get any better as they get older! LOL! My “kids” are now 22, 20, and 18 (plus, I have 1 step son who is also 19). And I still feel as young as I was when my kids were all 3 and under (HOW did I EVER survive that?). P.S. I’m 45 now so I feel like I’ve been a Mom practically my entire life. So let me tell you, they STILL drive you crazy, they STILL give you anxiety like you’ve never known, they STILL are loud and make messes, but you STILL would never trade them for the world. And THAT’S the way motherhood is supposed to be. So trust me, you are doing it RIGHT, my friend :)
You are not alone in these feelings. I have ONE child (age 5) and not a single day goes by that these thoughts don’t pass through my mind–how do people do it with more children?! The past year I’ve learned to be more accepting of these feelings rather than detest them. It’s reality. Motherhood is HARD. The more we suppress natural feelings from hardship, the darker our days become. Express yourself. Be honest with yourself, your loved ones, and your village of other mothers. I can guarantee others close to you are feeling the same. My village has formed a group that celebrates “okayest” motherhood. We’re honest. We do our best. We keep our children alive. And we love them with ALL OF OUR BEING no matter what. We celebrate the little things like feeding our children, yet leaving the mountain of laundry in the living room–WHO CARES?! Feel free to join our Facebook Group “Okayest Moms Group For Wayward Mothers”.
Oh my goodness! I’ve been nearly crying every day, feeling like a failure as a working mom. I feel like a failure that I can’t keep a spotless house. I feel like a failure that I cannot easily have more children when everyone around me is popping them out. But, I have to remind myself my child is a blessing and she is absolutely wonderful. She might be mean sometimes (terrible twos here!), but she loves me even when I’m falling apart.
Thank you for posting this. I’m so sick of reading how PERFECT everyone elses lives are (especially on blogs — there’s a few healthy living bloggers that are so sugary sweet and not authentic, it drive me nuts). I really needed to read this because I just feel the same way.
My son is 24 months old and I have another on the way (due in March).. I am terrified at how I will handle it. I can’t even keep it together now. My son is very highly spirited — awful eater, very strong willed and he has never slept through the night and is now in a new phase where sleep is getting worse. My marriage is essentially hanging by a thread (thanks to being incredibly irritable from both of us getting very broken sleep for the past 2 years and spending most of our free time doing chores). Add being a self employed business owner who works from home and I just find that I’m failing at every aspect most of the time — I want to be a better mother, a better business woman, a better wife, friend.. but wheres the time in the day?
Meanwhile most of my friends seem to navigate motherhood so much easier. I ask my husband all the time why they can handle it and I can’t. Honestly, like others have mentioned, sometimes you just really do have MORE difficult children. It is what it is. But it feels isolating and frustrating when no one else can really relate to you. I’ve had friends tell me “just give me 1 night with your kid and I’ll get them to sleep no issue.” Yeah.. easy for you to say when your child has never NOT slept through the night. They just don’t get it. And then I have friends who are off jet setting, going on childless vacations, and I’m like — what the hell. My parents are amazing and watch him a lot but I know thats just too much to ask (esp with 2 kids in the near future).
Anyway, enough venting.. just trying to say that I totally get it, I’m right there with you, and it WILL get better. It has to right? Being a mom is amazing, but it is just damn difficult. Thank goodness for those amazingly sweet moments.. because it really does erase some of the frustration.
You know what’s funny, I constantly wonder this about YOU! How do you always do it, look beautiful, bake, work, blog, etc. It’s all relative, girl. :) You’re doing a GREAT job! xoxo
Ohhh mama I’m right there with you! When I read this post, I was nodding along with everything you said. I feel like we’re in the trenches right now with a 1& 3 year old and I actually do want another child but I’m so nervous and afraid of how we’d manage! And it’s so easy to play the comparison game – I’m so guilty of this. Reading Grace, Not Perfection by Emily Ley right now and it’s speaking to my soul!
I feel the exact same way. I have a 1.5 and 2.5 year old, who seem to cry/
Fuss/ meltdown a LOT more than I see other toddlers on social media. Our days are really hard! Glad to know I’m not alone.
I think I have pretty chill kids…but that could all change any day or week!!! Hang in there. Some days are just harder than others.
Social Media can make you insane! I don’t buy half of what I read on FB about how much everyone’s kids are perfect, make them super proud and just love each other so much. PLEASE! I’m sure their households are as imperfect as yours and mine. And they are probably a gazillion dollars in debt from their fancy vacation…lol :) What do they say….comparison is the killer of happiness. Kids are physically exhausting when they are little and winter is always particularly hard because of all the sickness that goes around. You work outside of the home and have two other work gigs and I am amazed at how well you do it all. So, just remember people are looking at you and in awe of everything you do. You’re more together than you think. Hang in there Courtney.
Delete social media!!! It is one of the best decisions I have ever made for my mental health… I know you are a blogger and it comes with the territory, but even a one week hiatus will feel so refreshing and may be just what you need. The comparison trap is a real thing!
Oh you are definitely not alone! Thank you for being brave and honest with this post :) I have a 2 year old son, and I seriously can’t imagine having more. I have at least one moment every.single.day where I really struggle to keep it together. Last night, for example, I was trying to get my son dressed for bed while avoiding being kicked in the face as he fought against me. And don’t even get me started on how the attempt to brush his teeth went. All of this was after he barely touched the dinner I made him, threw his plate across the room and declared that he was “all done.” $&@#%!!! I was tired, hungry (ummmm shall we say “hangry”), frustrated, etc so my patience was at an all time low. I found myself legit yelling at my son and then of course feeling horrible afterwards. Ugh!!!
So yeah, we’ve all been there :) Thank goodness for bedtime and wine right?!
Parenthood isn’t tough-ish, it’s hard AF!!! I’m a mom of three over here(not making it look easy) and I’m either constantly cleaning, yelling or throwing my hands up in the air, waving the white flag.
Parenthood is hard on marriages, it’s hard on us personally and it can absolutely drive the life out of you. Of course, the rewards of parenthood bring all the life back but my point is, let go of the guilty feelings and just embrace the shit storm that it is! There will be times when you are flying high, getting it all right and periods where it sucks big time!
You very obviously love your kids and girlfriend, that’s enough. It really is!
Oh my gosh girl, I was feeling this exact same thing yesterday! I think it has to do with the fact that my 9-year old has been on Holiday break since before Christmas and doesn’t go back until January 17th. And my 3-year old has been extra clingy too. I actually reached out to my Bible study ladies yesterday and asked if anyone wanted to go get coffee or tea for some adult time. The flu has been so rampant here that I don’t want to take the kids anywhere public and it was rainy all day yesterday so we were stuck home.
So I guess my thoughts and advice would be that you are exactly right that our social media accounts are a highlight reel and that’s it. We all have rough periods and I feel like we need to take it one day at a time.
All I can say is hang in there and it will get better and don’t be too hard on yourself. And just remember to take a time out once in a while to gather your thoughts and composure.
Delete social media from your phone during the week (if you can, I know it’s part of blogging). I know exactly how you feel but for very different reasons – I just turned 30, moved in with the love of my life, and that ended up exploded in front of my very eyes for reasons outside of my control. Social media made me focus on what I felt I was missing out on (a partner, date night, my own family, a wedding, etc) and even though I am literally going through the hardest year of my life, deleting FB and insta from my phone has done wonders for my anxiety. It’s only been two weeks and I’m allowed to check it on the weekends, but I haven’t even been tempted to do so. TRY IT.
Unfollow these accounts that just make you feel blah or less than!! I did a big purge at the end of 2017 and it felt so good! You know your family and what’s best and are doing the best you can I’m sure. That’s all that matters :) I seriously don’t know how people get perfect pics of their kids for social media and it’s so frustrating to me they are capturing such beautiful memories meanwhile I’m over here deleting all the blurred photos from my phone haha.
I think this ALL THE TIME!!! And I only have one! How do people have 3, 4, 5, kids and afford to live and keep a healthy marriage?! It blows my mind somedays ;) But Courtney, you are such a great mom, and you love those boys to the end of the earth, and that is all that matters. Keep doing you, girl. A lot of people look up to you :)
I have two girls, very similar in age to your boys. Lately I am L-O-S-I-N-G it. My 19 month old is sweet as pie but clingy as all heck, and has started throwing nightmarish tantrums all the time (and she rarely gives me 15 seconds to get dinner on the table). My almost 4-year-old is fun and bright and sweet, but also whiny and demanding and is in the constant “play with me!” phase. I feel like a total jerk just even typing about it, because they are amazing and I love my family so much. But dang, the constant needs and non-stop drain is just hard! I hear you and I think you are speaking to many other moms of young ones who are struggling to just get through these days (which sucks, because I still want to savor all the sweet, silly, fun moments, too.) We are a hot mess a LOT of the time, just trying to figure it out. And when we do fun things, they sometimes blow up in my face ;)
I absolutely love this response, I feel exactly the same! I have a girl 20 months and a boy 4.5 years old just like you. The days can be so hard to get through but like you said I try to cherish them b/c they can be so sweet and innocent. I laughed at the part when you said you do fun things but sometimes blow up in your face lol, I’m right there with you!! Inevitable there is attitude, tantrums, etc. I love that we all can commiserate here – it feels good to know I’m not the only one!
I loved this post so much. We are going through a particularly hard time with both kids, but I hesitate talking too much about it because I don’t want to seem like a giant whiner. I look at people with 3+ kids and I’m just like HOW?! Teach me your ways! I’m scrambling to feed everyone and don’t start doing chores until 11pm each night. And that’s just with two kids! I love them more than anything, but sometimes during the day, I’m convinced they may be trying to kill me hahah.
Thank you so much for sharing. I only have one (a boy) and I feel like how you describe ALL THE TIME. He is 2.5 and is definitely not an easy going kid and it can be so hard when I see other kids and families who seem to easily go through life. We know we want another child, but it seems so hard to fathom. I really appreciate your honesty. I love being a mom to my sweet boy, but gosh is it exhausting and draining sometimes.
I have three kids (4, 5 and 7) and I feel like a psychotic lunatic the majority of the time. My neighbour even asked if everything was ok the other day because she heard so much yelling (OMG!)
My tips:
1. Wine
2. Grilled cheese is totally acceptable for the kids’ dinner – and yours – night after night (bonus points if you put a carrot on the side)
3. Lean on friends. My group of girlfriends all have young kids and we share our daily battles regularly. Our WhatsApp group chat is filled with hilarious photos of tantrums, drawings on the walls, plates of freshly made dinner thrown on the floor, etc. and it’s a constant reminder to us all that we’re in this together. In fact just last night my friend send us all a message saying “5:30pm girls, get you G & T’s ready for crazy hour”. Gosh I love them!
You’re doing a brilliant job, honestly. Your boys are incredibly lucky to have a Mum like you xx
Its funny that you say this because I look at your pictures and think your life is great! EVERYONE goes through this, for example I see your dinners and say how do they have time to make all this?! my husband isn’t home for dinner time and my son wants to eat right when we walk in the door from daycare. On the weekends I make one or two crock pot meals and the other nights are just grilled cheese, or easy things that are frozen that i put on the stove. Or we eat later after hes in bed. There is no easy answer and I think we all are guilty of looking at the pictures and thinking life is better. What I struggle with is looking at peoples houses and thinking how do they keep them so clean!
This is why I’ve always loved you girl…you’re so open and honest, humble, sweet, and you keep it real! I am seriously right there with you…I haven’t commented in forever, but felt the need to b/c I want you to know I feel exactly the same. Clara (20 months) is SO needy, clinging at me every second, yells and swipes at her brother, picky eater, etc. Then there’s Julian at the epitome of the “fu*king fours”, has an attitude and will talk back at me making me constantly wonder where he got it from and wonder if it’s something I’m doing wrong, he watches more TV than I care to admit so that I can work and get everything else done, and the majority of their meals are “kid” type foods! Yet on the flip side they are the most loving kids ever and Julian will say the sweetest things to me and is a true momma’s boy. But I just had to share with you that I’m right there with you, the struggle is real! And I get sucked into the comparison trap big time too which is why I don’t participate on FB much and no longer read blogs (except yours of course!). And while I try to treasure these precious moments, I sometimes fantasize about the day they’re older and I can pee in peace! Anyway, know I’m right there with you, and have a glass of wine tonight, I know I will! :) xo
We all feel this way from time to time!!! Believe me, the days I get compliments on my work, or how pulled together I look, or get a complement are usually the days I feel the most like a hot mess. You’re doing a great job and the guilt means you love your kids. At least that’s what I tell myself. ;)
This post is so similar to how I feel as well. I have a 3.5 year old daughter and a 1.5 year old son. Both have been going through a total mom-only clingy phase (hopefully a phase anyway!) and it’s so rough. On top of that we’re having serious behavior and listening issues with our daughter. Figuring out discipline is hard. Nothing we’ve tried so far has worked and her poor little brother is getting the brunt of it. Whenever we have play dates it always feels like my kids are the whiniest or most poorly behaved out of the bunch and it sucks. So I totally understand how you feel!
Your complete honesty here is why I love your blog! I am constantly (so much so I’ve had to stop scrolling) like why does her house look so clean she has more kids than me! How does she do all these things and I’m barely keeping it together daily. I feel like by the time I wrangle 2 kids into the car I’ve been through war (which getting them dressed and teeth brushed etc is a battle). You are not alone in motherhood/life. I find that a lot of times those blasting their “perfect” photos are sometimes the most sad about their life off of social media. It’s definitely a great thing for keeping an online journal or for keeping up with friends/family not close by but goodness it can be an awful comparison trap. Being a wife & Mom (especially working full time!) is so hard but you’ve got this as do all of us mommas! 😊
I have these feelings as we prepare for the arrival of #2 (any day!) I have been learning to let more go (cleaning/house chores) in favor of time spent with my daughter and making memories. These moments bring me more joy then dishes or laundry EVER will lol and I know she’s benefiting also. I think we all have these thoughts/feelings but most people choose not to share the hard parts and only the highlight reel making the rest of us feel like we are all alone. Luckily I have some friends on FB that share the hard moments too and we are able to support each other and not feel so alone in the tough parenting times.
A big fat YES! LOL As parents we all feel like this at some point and social media makes it worse. Because yes everyone posts only the good stuff.
My friend just posted a photo of her son at Applebee’s. She says “here is my gorgeous boy 2 seconds before her projectile vomited all over the restaurant”. That’s the honesty we need. We all have those days. Or weeks. And then they grow up and we miss that. (will never miss projectile vomit)
A BIG FAT YES TO THIS MAMA….MY GIRLS ARE 5 AND 2 AND IT’S HARDDDD…AND RIGHT NOW ITS REALLY HARD BECAUSE ITS COLD AND FLU SEASON AND ITS JUST THE ABSOLUTE WORST.
I HAVE A LOVE HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH SOCIAL MEDIA WHEN IT COMES TO ALL THINGS MOM/FAMILY RELATED….I REALIZED LAST SUMMER AFTER A PARTICULARLY HARD DAY THAT I WAS FOLLOWING MOM’S WITH COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LIVES THEN ME AND COMPARING MY LIFE TO THEIRS….I WORK FULL TIME, HUSBAND WORKS LONG HOURS, 2 KIDS, COLD CLIMAT…AND I WAS LOOKING AT FEEDS FROM STAY AT HOME MOMS WHO LIVE IN A WARM CLIMAT…OF COURSE I’M GOING TO FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF WHEN I’M WORKING ALL DAY AND SERVE CRACKERS FOR DINNER :-) WHEN I’M LOOKING AT PICS OF THEIR OUTING AT THE BEACH ON A BEAUTIFUL SUNNY DAY EATING A DELICIOUS PICKNIC…….DON’T GET ME WRONG I KNOW SAHM HAVE IT HARD (I’M NOT SAYING THEY DON’T) BUT WHY AM I LETTING THEIR DAY BRING ME DOWN WHEN I CAN’T HAVE THAT DAY…..STEPPING AWAY FROM INSTAGRAM A LITTLE HELPED AND PLANNING MY WEEK THE WAY IT WORKS FOR MY FAMILY GAVE ME A SENSE OF TAKING CONTROL BACK.
THIS IS A VERY HARD SEASON OF LIFE WITH YOUNG KIDS. YOU GOT THIS MAMA.
ANDDDD I JUST REALISED I WROTE THIS WHOLE POST IN CAPITAL LETTERS…NOT SCREAMING, JUST VERY VERY TIRED FROM BEING AWAKE WITH A KID WITH STREP THROAT.
It’s funny because I think YOU make it look easy, so I assure you it’s all relative!!!! You seriously seem like super mom! We just had our first baby 4 months ago and I’ve loved looking back at your Alex and Lucas updates to know what to expect in the coming months. We want to wait another year to two years to have another and reading abut your life with two boys gets me excited to have another boy! Even though your days may seem long, remember how far you’ve come from probably only 6-9 months ago. My mom constantly tells me I’ll look back on even the temper tantrum stages and will be so glad it’s over but sad that time went so fast. You definitely seem like you have your shit together for having two little ones!!! And if you ever don’t feel that way, there’s always wine! :-)
Another great, honest post. My kids are 4.5 and 10 months and the transition from 1-2 kids has been NO JOKE! My husband and I work full time, so I totally understand the struggle and the comparison trap. I love my kids more than anything, but some days are just HARD! Hard on our marriage, sanity, etc etc. Thank you for always being so honest and not making it appear as though your life is perfect.
Oh my gosh! This post and these comments are just what I needed to read. We have one 3 year old boy with a girl due in April, and *even though I KNOW social media only shows the best* I constantly feel like I’m failing to DO. Failing to get homemade dinner on the table, failing to play intentionally with my 3 year old, failing to maintain my work from home and part time out of the home schedule; etc. and I know it’ll only get harder with a second.
I had to laugh at the sofa comment, because that’s my son! I still tell him not to jump off the back/front/side of the couch (or name some other item he’s climbing on/jumping off of) and even though I think I keep my cool/laugh it off 50% of the time (is that being generous?) the other 50% of the time I feel guilty for feeling like I’m constantly telling him to stop/don’t do that it’s not safe; etc. My husband and I are always saying, “Where are the other parents with these super active kids?” Apparently, we’re all trying to keep our sanity! ;)
Thanks for writing this post! I only have one little girl who will be 4 next month & I feel like this all the time! It is so incredibly difficult to do it all! I feel like I’m losing it regularly. I rarely go on social media anymore for the reasons you mentioned, plus it takes up so much time.
Ohh boy right there with you and I just have one crazy toddler and hoping to have another!! It is such a hard phase and I Think we do beat ourselves up too much and I always feel like I’m always asking myself ‘am I present enough’ am I giving enough and you know what ..even on the perfect days , with all the struggles, our kids are happy, well fed, dressed ( or half dressed in my case) and we are doing a great job! We need more real posts and more posts about how hard life as a parent is and it’s tough! Tough to live up to the expectations on social media and in our own minds. SO try (as I do too) give yourself a break and let it go. If the media feeds are weighing you down, delete them , you don’t need that in your life lol …You’ve got this mama~!
I don’t have kids yet, so I won’t claim to be any type of parenting authority. But I do want you to know that your blog is basically a breath of fresh air with the way you keep it real. Yes, social media a highlight reel, and it’s made myself and so many others I know want to just take a permanent break from IG.
But here’s the thing – do you see the way you handled the infection in Alex’s toe? In case you need to hear it, you handled it with such grace and calm, and never once took a woe is me attitude with any of it. Just try to remember instances like those when you’re doubting yourself and your parenting.
Your boys will be grown, and at one point, they’ll be at a stage where they legit just want their independence. I know it’s easier said than done, but treasure this time where they can’t get enough of their mama. :)
You work full time, have a blog, have two small kids…Just relax! You are doing great! I know you use social media for your blog but I took all Social media apps off my phone so I have to make a decision to check it on my laptop. This has really helped me with the comparison! Sending you love! And I know you have family close by…Maybe tap them for help more often. A few hours of alone time can make a world of difference.
Yessss. We have a 3 and 1 year old and my husband and I are always joking about HOW people have 3 or 4 Kids. Like… what? Ha:) we also jokingly resent the fact that it feels like EVERYONE BUT US has family near by to help. We have none. Which makes things feel like that much more of a marathon. Hang in there, girl. Love your honesty!
Hi Courtney: One of the main reasons, my daughter and I continue to read your blog is your honesty. Motherhood is one of the most difficult but most rewarding jobs you will ever have. Fortunately, when I had my children who are now 27 and 31 there was no social media – so there was no comparing. I will always remember what a nurse told me when I had my first child who was born 5 weeks early and was quite sickly. “Little children little problems, big children big problems” – so true. After I had my second child, it was not twice the work, it was twenty times the work. What discipline worked for the first, did not work for the second. My patience was always tested. The book, “The Difficult child” by Dr. Stanley Turecki gave me some parenting tools. Just be very consistent with your parenting. In the blink of an eye, they will be all grown up. This June I will be in a new chapter of my life – my first grandchild.
Ugh I’m sorry you are feeling this way though add me to the list of people who felt you have always had things way more together than me! My daughter is between your two in age and I have been jealous nonstop of how well your boys sleep haha!
One of the most important things I’ve learned about myself over the years is I can really only do a couple things well at a time. Right now my top priority things bags are my husband my kid (soon to be kids) and my career. Everything else is on the back burner, even things i care about like friends and fitness. I still try to exercise some and have some social time but it’s k Nd of a bonus you know? Not an expectation. If I can keep that in mind I can stay sane for a while ( though I’m sure it’s going to be a whole new level of tough with a second).
Can you maybe take a break from the usborne books thing? Even if you enjoy it, imagine giving yourself that extra time back in your life to take some of the squeeze off. Any way lots of luck. And so glad Alex is doing better.
I am so glad you wrote this. I have a 14 month old and whenever I am pms-ing I feel like I am going to explode! Everything irritates me, plus my son is in some sort of “screaming phase” that is just like nails on a chalkboard! I pretty much never use Facebook because it is not a good place for me. I wish you all the best and, hey, winter is tough! That’s probably making it all feel so much worse!
Oh girl! This sounds like me and my household. 2 boys: 4.5 & 2. My husband and I both feel like we are failing at parenting. I feel like all I do is yell. I find it hard to find joy sometimes. I know I am blessed. Thank you for sharing. It helps to know I am not alone in this!!!
It’s so refreshing to hear people who feel the same. I really do not think our marriage could handle another, nor would my sanity, but it makes me sad because I think I want another. My girls are 18months and 3 and they are crazy! It’s nice to hear I’m not alone. Because everywhere you look, people make it look so fun! Thanks for being real. We are all there with ya!
Thanks for sharing. I think we all have felt this at some point but we just keep it to ourselves because we don’t want to be seen as weak or a hot mess. The comparison trap is real and I won’t ever me immune to it whether my kids are babies or teenagers. There are so many moms that seem to have it together and admiring them is great but it doesn’t have to make us feel inadequate. Maybe that’s a good day for them or a good moment. We don’t know. I am always feeling like I’m not doing enough but to someone I’m probably that mom they admire. It’s all perspective really. I’m a mom of 15 month twin boys and I work out the house full time among all the normal stuff (cooking, cleaning, etc). But I’m happy and I love my life. If we had a third child there would be moments of insanity but I know that if it was to ever happen we would handle it. Twins seem hard to some but everyone’s reality is different. We are all doing the best we can. Calm the voices that make you feel like you need to do more.
I feel you Mama!! I have a 6 month and 4 year old and omg our days can be so tough sometimes!! You are not alone (as you already know)!! What keeps me sane and patient when times get tough is remembering that we are in the trenches right now and this is just a season. We will look back at this time in 5-10 years and miss it. Miss it terribly most likely. It’s helps put things in perspective for me. Keep on doing a great job Mama!
thanks for keeping it real! have an 8 month old and work full time out of the home and just find it SO challenging some weeks. i dunno how people do it with more than 1 honestly! like i’m only really half checked in wherever i’m supposed to be. doing the best i can but sometimes it feel like i’m only partially engaged.
and my 8 month old plays in our dog’s water dish while i make dinner, every night. and i’ve just accepted it. strong immune system builder right?!
This quote: “But these are the raw moments that I know I like to hear about.” Me too. Thanks for keeping it real. I’m not on FB, but IG…gosh darn, I compare myself and it’s hard.
I love this! I only have one (18 month old boy) and I feel this way! How do people handle two?!
Thank you for sharing this. I really needed it