Right now it’s about 2pm on Tuesday as I type this out. Both kiddos are asleep and I am happily sitting outside in the sunshine, enjoying the small window of quiet I’ll likely have today (my mother in law is inside, in case anyone thought that sounded odd).
This morning, I ventured out of the house with Alex to go and watch Lucas at his weekly soccer practice. It was a total blast to get to watch him and see him totally in his element (aka, running and running and running). He kept looking over and yelling “look at me mommy, I’m running!” And all I could do was smile from ear to ear. I mean, seriously. I am so incredibly lucky.
But that doesn’t mean that everything is all hunky dory over here (do people still even say that?), so if I’m putting off that vibe, then let me go ahead and give you the whole scoop.
Let’s start with night sweats. Holy hell, they are the worst. And I apparently tossed them from my mind after having them with Lucas…but was quickly reminded of how much they suck. Having to change soaked clothes 1-2x per night, along with washing bed sheets almost everyday for the past few days has been super. If only I could remember how long these lasted…? Let’s hope not much longer!
I also totally freaked out at the thought of Jay going back to work on Monday so I asked him (and I totally would have begged if I had to, but it wasn’t necessary) if he could take another day off from work and stay home with us. Thankfully, he could, and he saved my sanity by keeping up with Lucas and his constant desire to want to be running around outside. I mean, I certainly can’t blame the kid! It’s been beautiful (although a bit hot for June) and I love seeing him run around and burning off all of that energy. But I still can’t wrap my head around how I’m going to be able to keep up with him AND take care of Alex who is currently nursing every 2-3 hours.
I can’t complain much about sleep though. Alex has been averaging about one wake up per night to eat, which lasts about 45 minutes before going back down (with going to bed at about 11pm and waking up anywhere between 7-9am). I’m counting my blessings there and hope that it continues (although he did throw me a curveball and was up at 5:45 today).
Don’t get me wrong…I totally get that this is all SO new. And I know that, eventually, we will get into our routine and it’ll be good. Maybe even great?! But right now, I’d by lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous.
I can’t remember if I mentioned it before but Lucas’s daycare closed at the end of May and the new daycare we’ll be starting him in (along with preschool 2 mornings a week) doesn’t start until September. So he’s home all summer with me while I’m on maternity leave. Thankfully, my mother in law comes and helps out on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and once July starts, my mom will also be around a bit more to help. But I don’t always want to have to rely on others, you know? I’m their mom, I’ve gotta figure it out eventually right? Maybe if we juuuuust enclose our back yard with a big ol fence…then I’d be all set :)
*****************
It’s now currently Wednesday (at 2pm, once again, in fact). I’m watching Lucas bounce around in his bed instead of napping and I have Alex snoozing away. He’ll likely be up at any minute to want to eat again, but I’m feeling pretty good after today! It’s been my first day solo and, so far, things have gone quite smoothly. We even ventured out for a little walk earlier, and managed to play outside without Lucas running away from me at any chance he got. Whew! Victory!!
*****************
I always debate on writing out these posts in the heat of the moment because, most of the time, I look back and realize I’d been all worked up over nothing. I’ve got hormones all out of whack, I’m still dealing with postpartum soreness and hemorrhoids (yeah, I said it…how’s that TMI for ya?!), and the tiniest most random things can set me off with the water works. Most recently? When Jay said “babe, remember when we could just go and swim at the pool any time of day and not have to worry about nap time?” I definitely attribute it to a little case of the baby blues, which I very much remember having after Lucas, too.
When I get thrown into new situations (aka, having a new human to take care of, for instance!) it often takes me a little time to adjust. And sometimes I do find myself longing for that independence and ability to do whatever, whenever, without having to worry about nap times and nursing schedules, and all that jazz.
But then I find us all sitting down in the living room at night, or out in the backyard, and I see just how complete all of this makes me.
It’s crazy, and chaotic, and sometimes it’s totally frustrating. But honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Can anyone else relate? 
Comments