A little over a year and a half ago, I wrote a post all about my Honest Thoughts on Having a Second Baby. At the time, I had NO idea what was to come. Whew!
And now, here we are…Alex is almost 14 months and I feel like now would be a good time to come back to that post and reflect on those initial thoughts, worries, and curiosities on how life would be like.
(My original thoughts are bolded and italicized below, with my current thoughts underneath!)
I’m terrified. I have no doubt that my world is about to be flipped upside-down once our second bundle of joy arrives. And as much as I’d like to say, “ahhh, I’ve done this before! Piece of cake!” I’m not naïve enough to think that’s going to be the case.
No, things definitely were NOT a piece of cake. A colicky baby combined with a potty training, just-turned-threenager about to start school and a new daycare was definitely far from being a piece of cake. Our world was rocked and I struggled. It took a good, long time to finally feel like I was able to keep my head above water. Baby #2 is definitely not always the same as baby #1 was!
I’m SO excited. For so many reasons. The thought of having another living person that Jay and I created just boggles my mind sometimes!
This STILL boggles my mind. I look at these two day after day and constantly think about how we actually created them…and then continue to wonder how the heck we got lucky enough to call them ours.
Even though I’ve always pictured my family with two kids, I never imagined the immense, mixed emotions I’d feel about bringing a second child into our family. Part of me wants to make sure I soak in every second of this pregnancy because it will likely be the last time I’ll get to experience it.
Yeah…I was pretty much over being pregnant by about month 6. Which really surprised me because it was such a far cry from how I felt during my first pregnancy. I loved being pregnant the first time around! But being pregnant while chasing around a toddler is a whole different ball game. I tried my best to enjoy it, and I did, but it definitely wasn’t the same as the first time.
When I think about having to take out my breast pump again, it makes my toes curl. I will undoubtedly want to burn that thing once all is said and done.
Gahhhhh, the dreaded pump. Thankfully, I didn’t have to use it quite as often this time around, since I only needed to pump at the office 2x/week plus usually once in evenings most nights. I stopped using it around when Alex was 10ish months (I think?) and I was not sorry to see it go one bit!
But at the same time, the thought of nursing a newborn (hoping that he/she is as easy as Lucas was) brings me so much joy. That bond was so special with Lucas, and I look forward to being able to (hopefully) do it again.
Alex and I were very lucky to have an incredible bond with nursing, and it wasn’t until around 13-1/2 months when we finally finished. We had a rather rough go of it to start (thrush for him, some of the worst pain ever experienced for me with nursing), and there was more than one occasion where I was ready to call it quits in the beginning, but we toughed it out and I’m so glad we did.
I wonder if it will be at all possible for my boobs to shrink even more after the second baby. Something tells me it’s probably possible, which is a bit of a bummer.
Ummm, yep. It’s possible. Very possible. I don’t even want to talk about it.
I sit and stare at Lucas daily and wonder what, if any, of his features his brother or sister will have. Will we have another blond hair, dark eyed baby? Will he/she be adventurous, curious, and stubborn just like his/her older brother? Will they be totally similar, or like night and day?
It’s so funny because when Alex was first born, he didn’t look anything like his big brother. Dark hair, light eyes…the total opposite of my blond-haired, brown-eyed first born.
But as Alex has gotten a bit older, we do feel like he’s starting to resemble big brother a little bit more (gone is that dark hair!), but he’s definitely still got his own looks.
I can’t wait to see how Lucas interacts with his little brother or sister. And on that same note, I’m also incredibly nervous about that, too. “Gentle” isn’t necessarily a word I use to describe my busy, active boy!
This has gone through many stages. When Alex first arrived, Lucas was very intrigued but pretty much kept his distance.
Then there was a very long stage of him not wanting anything to do with the baby…but also not wanting mommy to have anything to do with the baby, either. That was the toughest stage, emotionally (hello hormones + mom guilt!). Then we got into the stage where Lucas always wanted to know where Alex was and would ask about him/what he was doing multiple times a day.
And then Alex became mobile and was able to start taking his toys and touching him…
And he wanted no part of it. ; )
Now? Lucas loves his brother and is VERY protective of him.
He loves to try and have him follow along with chasing after him or doing what he’s doing, but he gets frustrated when Alex can’t keep up. He’s also a really great helper.
But he’s still not a fan of Alex stealing his toys…
Even though I have no doubt there are years of playing referee ahead of us, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Thinking about being able to experience all of the “firsts” with another child makes me giddy. I can’t wait to see his/her first smiles and hear his/her giggles. As exhausting as the newborn stage can be, I’m so ready to experience a little squishy newborn again.
If we’re being honest here, I really did not enjoy the newborn stage with Alex. Colic is an incredibly taxing experience, and looking back on those first few months, it all seems like a total blur. Like, I’m pretty sure I mentally blocked out most of it. So I felt pretty disappointed in that regard, because a little squishy newborn is just the sweetest, you know? But all of the firsts with Alex have been equally as exciting as they were with Lucas, and are some of my favorite memories.
The thought of no longer getting solid sleep for a long time gives me a major case of the sads.
Yes, lack of sleep is the worrrrst. And Alex’s bedtime shenanigans for those first few months left me wanting to pull all of my hair out (oh wait, I didn’t have to worry about that because it all fell out…) on more than one occasion.
I worry about how having two babies will affect a marriage. Don’t get me wrong…we’re solid! But will we ever have time for ourselves?? Will I have enough energy to give to everyone in the family?
Let’s get honest again for a second here. I already touched on this subject a bit in this post, but adjusting from one to two kids was hard for us. Two kids makes life busy, of course. And then on top of that, we each still want to have the time to do our own things and (me, mostly) will often times feel slighted when I’m not able to get done the things I need to get done but (I feel like) he can. Jay is a 100% hands-on dad and husband, who does more than his fair share of help around the house, so I don’t say this to bash him in any way; but it’s a pretty well known fact that a lot more changes for mom than it does for dad when it comes to the day-to-day stuff. On top of that, I have a habit of giving all of my energy to the boys and not enough for Jay.
But we’re still learning, we’re still adjusting, and we’re really trying to make sure to take some more time these days to focus on US. It doesn’t necessarily have to mean a “date night” or anything like that…even if it’s just a half hour of chatting (with no phones in hand!) after the kiddos go to bed. So yes, we’ve had our rough times, but we’ve still got our great times. And he’s still stuck with me forever <3
I’m nervous about how I’ll be able to manage going back to work with two kids. It’s really not an option for me to not go back, and I really do like working and what I do. But I cannot fathom how I’ll ever manage to get out of the house in one piece in the mornings.
It’s chaos most days, and we’re hardly ever on time. But somehow, we make it work. Sort of. Like I said…it’s still crazy.
There will be a part of that will be equally happy and equally sad no matter if our second is a boy or a girl. If it’s a boy, I’ll be ecstatic for Lucas to have a brother to play with, but I’ll be sad that I’ll never get to experience having a girl (assuming we stick with only have 2 kids). Vice versa, I’d love to have both a boy and a girl, but I’ll be sad that Lucas won’t have a brother “buddy.”
I was actually just talking about this with a few friends recently. As I mentioned when we first found out Alex was a boy, I experienced a bit of disappointment and sadness.
I hesitated to ever even express that publicly, but it’s the truth so there’s no reason in denying it. I had always pictured myself having a daughter, and the thought of that not happening hit me pretty hard. I eventually accepted that fact and was, obviously, just happy for a healthy baby. I did love the idea of my boys having a brother for each other as the grew up, and that did help take away some of the sadness. I’d continuously find solace in talking with fellow boy moms, or seeing pictures of other moms of boys, proudly sporting their #boymom hashtags on social media. I even did it (and still do).
But it probably wasn’t until about a month ago where something just sort of clicked. Maybe it’s because we’re finally finding our groove. Maybe it’s because it was just a good day with the boys. Whatever the reason was though, I could confidently say that I truly was fine with the fact that I do not (and likely will not) have a daughter. Being a mom of boys (or any mom, no need to stereotype here) is exhausting, but my goodness it is fun. And while I have no clue how I got here, I am finally at a place where I don’t feel like there’s a void. And it’s a good feeling. <3
There are at least a few days every week where I’ll tear up or cry because I feel such guilt and emotion surrounding the idea that Lucas will no longer get my full, undivided attention. I’ve come to learn that this is not uncommon, after reading so many different articles about the mommy guilt that surrounds your second child. I honestly can’t get through ANY of those articles without ugly crying. Although I KNOW that this is what we want and are thrilled, and I’m sure that Lucas (and us) will absolutely appreciate him having a playmate, I still have a really hard time thinking about how he’s no longer going to be my baby (even though he’ll still always be my baby).
Everyone told me that I would be fine, but at the time, I believed nobody. I had no idea HOW I was going to get past the guilt I was feeling. It was something that consumed me almost everyday…like to a point where I legit felt that it wasn’t normal. And maybe it wasn’t.
But then Alex arrived and everything that everyone was telling me was (sort of) true. Sure, I still had guilt. And I balled my eyes out the day that Lucas came to meet Alex for the first time at the hospital.
But the guilt really did fade. And I say fade because I don’t think it will ever go away. There’s always mom guilt, right?
So there you have it. A (very lengthy…sorry!) reflection on how life has been with two kiddos. It’s been a rollercoaster, but it’s been a fabulous one. And these boys are just the light of my life. <3
For the moms of more than one out there…how did you adjust to growing your family? Did you have any struggles? Was it emotional for you?